THE BEARDED SPAM
I misread the subject line of a SPAM email about prescription drugs and thought it said, "generic vagina". I like that term.
AT LONG LAST, LYRICAL LOVE
I have a new love. I know, I know, it's too soon after Toby (my aforementioned imagniary boyfriend of 9 months) but this one, he's a keeper. He stands outside of work every afternoon, and when I got out to grab my mid-day coffee, he chants at me. Somtimes it's unitelligible, sometimes it's a stream of consciousness about the evil, blood-drinking Jews- who can tell what each day will bring from his artistic tool box? The man is an unfettered poet spewing his seminal words & spittle on all who would cross his path. But today, he won my heart. As you may well know, I'm desperately trying to lose some winter (beer) weight. It's working, and as a result I put on a pair of pants I haven't worn in a while today and was pleased with the look of things downtown. Just now, as I walked past my insane pal on my daily jaunt to the coffee shop, he snapped to attention, stuck his tounge out, howled, and then began to sing the Mystikal song, "Shake Ya Ass!". If that doesn't put the spring into a young lady's step, I don't know what will. I gave the coffee guy an extra tip, and on the way back, was going to propose marriage or at least a "thanks for noticing" hand job to "the Bard", but he was arguing with his green bucket, a constant companion of his. I guess he's taken. All the good ones are, am I right, ladies?!?!
JUST GIVE IT TO ME