I came home slightly drunk and ate 3 ginger candies. Now my mouth is burning and I'm going to bed.
I had many comedy epiphanies tonight but I will share them later. But know this: I decided it's fun to have anorexia. Yee-haw.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
This is why we go into the bathroom to pee together.
-----Original Message-----
From: Brandy Barber
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2005 11:49 AM
To: Sara Allocco
Subject: Sad
OK, who has on her headphones at her desk and is singing quietly along to "Everybody's Changing" by Keane, fantasizing
that I'm making out w/ [UNATTAINABLE SHARED CRUSH] to it?! LOSER.
-----Original Message-----
From: Sara Allocco
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2005 11:51 AM
To: Brandy Barber Subject:
RE: Sad
Whooo, the things I'd do to that boy. One night. One fucking night is all I ask.
-----Original Message-----
From: Brandy Barber
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2005 4:11 PM
To: Sara Allocco
RE: RE: Sad
I would fuck him in half. And then, I'd give one of the halves to you, sugar.
From: Brandy Barber
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2005 11:49 AM
To: Sara Allocco
Subject: Sad
OK, who has on her headphones at her desk and is singing quietly along to "Everybody's Changing" by Keane, fantasizing
that I'm making out w/ [UNATTAINABLE SHARED CRUSH] to it?! LOSER.
-----Original Message-----
From: Sara Allocco
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2005 11:51 AM
To: Brandy Barber Subject:
RE: Sad
Whooo, the things I'd do to that boy. One night. One fucking night is all I ask.
-----Original Message-----
From: Brandy Barber
Sent: Wednesday, March 30, 2005 4:11 PM
To: Sara Allocco
RE: RE: Sad
I would fuck him in half. And then, I'd give one of the halves to you, sugar.
I Loved This Sweater Vest.
People, you need to come out and see me make this happen. Especially if you missed my last 2 shows. And you know who you are.
Experience me reading poetry I wrote the year I thought it was appropriate to cut all my hair off because it was "ugly" and "curly", and I'd rather have none than to not have big 80's poodle hair and cockroach bangs like all the "pretty" girls did. It made sense at the time, along with stuffing my bra and praying to be frenched nightly.
_______________________________
MORTIFIED!
Angst invades the East Coast!
Announcing Mortified NYC !
See an all NEW East Coast cast of the hit LA show share their most pathetic childhood writings... in front of total strangers. A night of utterly shameful teenage poems, diaries, essays, and creepy love letters. New city, same melodrama. (And yes, these shows will sell out.)
WHAT: Mortified NYC
WHEN: Sunday April 17th + Sunday April 24th @ 8pm
WHERE: The Tank
432 W 42nd St b/t 8th & 9th Avenues
COST: $10
TICKETS: Available now @ www.SmartTix.com
STARRING : Sara Allocco, Brandy Barber, Abby Gross, Margot Leitman, Jen McNeil, Dave Nadelberg, Will Nolan, Giulia Rozzi, Victoria Scroggins, Maria Suozo and Law Tarello.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Honesty is the best policy for making yourself look like an ass.
I was out the past four nights carousing. Each night had its own variant of hi-jinx. All nights did not involve complete drunkenness, but they did all involve staying out very late and being exhausted the next day. A lot of disco naps took place. Pictures of these adventures to follow.
My impulsive nature allows me to do things that are incredibly cringe-worthy and therefore all the more entertaining. These include stroking someone’s arm as he was leaving a bar and confiding to him in front of a table full of friends and mutual aquiantances, “I was trying to flirt with you before, but you were getting your head licked.” [NOTE: This should not have to be explained, but due to feedback I will include that he had a shaved head]. The next day, when I was briefly sober, I recalled this incident, groaned, and then went back to sleep as it was only 2 pm in the afternoon. You know why? Because I’m subtle & classy.
Here are some movies I have not seen, that I am supposed to see, because my friends loudly shamed me at a diner at 5 am for not having done so:
It's A Wonderful Life
White Christmas
The Big Lebowski
In turn I shamed them for not having seen:
Strictly Ballroom
Goodfellas
Xanadu
So there were plans made all around for cinematic escapades.
I am eating chicken noodle soup and I am so tired. I am going home tonight and putting myself into a deep sleep.
Rob Webber: I am so, so sorry I tried to take off your pants and also that I crawled on you and gyrated. It wasn't funny, it was invasive and rude. Sorry if it made you have a boner. Our friendship is worth more to me than a boner. Thanks. Oh and also I forogt to add I'm sorry I pulled up my shirt and screamed "Put 'em on the glass". Also inappropriate.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Problem Child 2: Electric Boogaloo.
There is no particular reason to post this other than that I god damned fucking can.
GOD FUCKING BLESS AMERICA!
GOD FUCKING BLESS AMERICA!
"We should stop environmental disruption."
Sometimes my creepy insistence on pictures being taken because I think they wil turn out "kinda funny" may make my close friends want to pinch me.
Take, for example, my schreeching for this photo to be taken under the oddly titled awning of a long ago Health Department condemned food service establishment, during a sleet storm no less. Yet, these kind comrades (and one polite, poor fool who took the photo after having a lovely blondie bat her eyelashes at him) stuck with me in my artistic vision, fueled by free Stellas on draft and a genetic pre-disposition to manic behavior. And the end result is priceless.
All aboard the Banana Express, mofos!
Take, for example, my schreeching for this photo to be taken under the oddly titled awning of a long ago Health Department condemned food service establishment, during a sleet storm no less. Yet, these kind comrades (and one polite, poor fool who took the photo after having a lovely blondie bat her eyelashes at him) stuck with me in my artistic vision, fueled by free Stellas on draft and a genetic pre-disposition to manic behavior. And the end result is priceless.
All aboard the Banana Express, mofos!
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Mad, Bad and Lovely to Know.
I learned about the marketing of Hallmark Cards in the UK just now. Fancy that. I love the UK.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Winnie's: A Karaoke Odyssey, Part the Fourth & Final.
Nothing says "karaoke birthday" like low grade alocohol poisoning. And I mean, nothing.
Winnie's: A Karaoke Odyssey Part the Third.
...and here we see that my karaoke style has changed little from the days of old. This photo was taken in 2001, at one of the handful of birthdays I've had at Winnie's.
Only a few day prior, the chubby, seemingly sweet guy I'd been pity dating for a few weeks announced his bisexuality to me by abruptly dumping me for 1) another woman (who at the time was dating his best friend) and 2) an obnoxious, unfunny guy. At the time, I cried a lot about it, not because I was that broken up over it, but because he was so unattractive and he beat me to the punch.
Note how badly I'm taking it here. I put on a trampy dress and bolted down some mai tais. That night, My ex and close friend John gave me a birthday card of a mod girl riding a Vespa, and on her white turtleneck he had written "[first name of chubby, seemingly sweet guy] IS FAT". I still have it.
Later, a Mexican dwarf will appear at the bar and chat up my friend Joay and a man in an eye patch will literally paw at my friend Emily as he accosts her while caterwauling into the mike in Cantonese.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Winnie's: A Karaoke Odyssey Part the Second.
Here I am, having jumped in to assist Anne in her magic rendition of "Power of Love". I am not fucking around here, people. Note the arm action.
(Brianne is in the background, strolling out from the ladies' room)
(Brianne is in the background, strolling out from the ladies' room)
Winnie's: A Karaoke Odyssey Part the First
Here is a photo of Anne and I at Winnie's, a dark, filthy, delightful bar in Chinatown to sing karaoke for Brianne's birthday. Me likey karaoke! And I have just found out the Winnie's has FINALLY added new songs to its song book, something I thought I'd never live to see. I choose "Cruel to be Kind", "The Greatest Love of All", and something else which I just now forgot.
Monday, March 21, 2005
.55 cent
This is the total that I have had in my wallet since mid-week. My friends have been nice enough to spot me, and as a result, on Sunday morning I was treated to a diner breakfast of two eggs over medium, corned beef hash (which I doused in Tabasco sauce), whole wheat toast with butter, and french fries, washed down with a cup of very cream-heavy coffee. It was marvelous and I want to go order it now from a local greasy spoon to relive the glory. Except now I spent the .55 cents...so I am eating left-over Saltine cracker packets from the junk drawer of someone who used to work here's desk.
Man, it was great not to eat something that was years old from the pantry.
Man, it was great not to eat something that was years old from the pantry.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Stuff it, Creep.
I have been at the computer for a really, really long time. It is so nice to sit here, uninterrupted and just troll the internet, catch up on old emails, and eat a plate of Cracker Barrell sharp cheddar slices and Tagalog Girl Scout Cookies.
I love to find amazing entertainments online.
I need to get outside today and not be a shut in. But for some reason I can't seem to motivate myself to. I get like this sometimes, where I pray for a day off to do all of my errands. Then the day off comes and I don't want to leave the apartment. Damn you, ADD!
I love to find amazing entertainments online.
I need to get outside today and not be a shut in. But for some reason I can't seem to motivate myself to. I get like this sometimes, where I pray for a day off to do all of my errands. Then the day off comes and I don't want to leave the apartment. Damn you, ADD!
The Scorpion Bowl
All statements will be made in sentences in this entry.
1) I like Jake In Progress because not only is it fairly amusing, but John Stamos is fucking ravishing- especially his hair.
2) I got to see the final episode of Spaced last night and I was not thrilled, even though I do so love it.
3) I read "Dry" in about a day and it was amazing.
4) I held some scret joy in my heart when I flipped on American Justice and watched some of the special of the woman who ran over her cheating husband.
5) The joy of being single continued when I flipped channels from American Justice to Lifetime which was showing The Burning Bed, which I did not watch, but appreciated.
6) I went to a bar in my neighborhood that I've not been to before but have wanted to go to and it was pretty OK.
7) I looked at couples at the bar and considered what it might be like to date someone who actually enjoys going out to have a drink at a bar once in a while.
8) I made roasted zucchini and cheese raviloi for dinner.
9) I love, love, love Dr. Pepper.
10) I feel like I have finally gotten two consecutive nights of rest, after three weeks of insanity.
1) I like Jake In Progress because not only is it fairly amusing, but John Stamos is fucking ravishing- especially his hair.
2) I got to see the final episode of Spaced last night and I was not thrilled, even though I do so love it.
3) I read "Dry" in about a day and it was amazing.
4) I held some scret joy in my heart when I flipped on American Justice and watched some of the special of the woman who ran over her cheating husband.
5) The joy of being single continued when I flipped channels from American Justice to Lifetime which was showing The Burning Bed, which I did not watch, but appreciated.
6) I went to a bar in my neighborhood that I've not been to before but have wanted to go to and it was pretty OK.
7) I looked at couples at the bar and considered what it might be like to date someone who actually enjoys going out to have a drink at a bar once in a while.
8) I made roasted zucchini and cheese raviloi for dinner.
9) I love, love, love Dr. Pepper.
10) I feel like I have finally gotten two consecutive nights of rest, after three weeks of insanity.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
I will NOT apologize! Part 3
I will not apologize for being genuinely hurt that some friends did not see the either of the 2 shows I worked on these past 2 weeks. This goes double for those who invited me to see their shows this past year, which I did. That is despicable and I officially have a stick up my ass about it.
Ben told me that I was being unattractive by focusing on the negative instead of being professional by being simply happy I had a strong show. I disagree. These were reflections of me, and while the fact that I made random people laugh in both of the shows is awesome, that doesn't mean I don't want my closest friends to see the result of my hard work. It's bullshit.
To be fair, things happen. And to those people who e-mailed to say they were not going to be able to come/did not make it due to justifiable extenuating circumstances, thank you for letting me know so I didn't worry.
Word up: if you have a friend who performs, you must attend at least one show of theirs every few months. That's called being supportive. And if you can't, let them know why you can't and apologize.
Ben told me that I was being unattractive by focusing on the negative instead of being professional by being simply happy I had a strong show. I disagree. These were reflections of me, and while the fact that I made random people laugh in both of the shows is awesome, that doesn't mean I don't want my closest friends to see the result of my hard work. It's bullshit.
To be fair, things happen. And to those people who e-mailed to say they were not going to be able to come/did not make it due to justifiable extenuating circumstances, thank you for letting me know so I didn't worry.
Word up: if you have a friend who performs, you must attend at least one show of theirs every few months. That's called being supportive. And if you can't, let them know why you can't and apologize.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Attn: Jesus
I just laughed myself silly with Porter over some very, very special e-cards. Never you mind, faithful readers. I shall slowly be sending a surprise your way on the world wide web.
I am so amazed at all the lovely friends I am blessed to have, who came out and supported me this weekend, and at last week's show. It is so amazing to have friends see what you've worked on. It means the absolute world to me.
Also, ferret party.
I am so amazed at all the lovely friends I am blessed to have, who came out and supported me this weekend, and at last week's show. It is so amazing to have friends see what you've worked on. It means the absolute world to me.
Also, ferret party.
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