Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mini-Vacation Movie/Sean Crespo Has No Prior Knowledge.

If you care to do so, click on this fun video to see our pal Sean's TWOP vlog, which is both a commentary on VH1's stable of reality show trash from its Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and I Love New York starring on a new competition show called I Love Money, AND, a living document of our recent Greenport winery trip! BOO YAH!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Day The Popping Off Died: Bad Girl's Club II is no more.

I knew it would come to and end, I just didn't realize how empty I would feel inside without my Tanisha fix. There were times I got cross with her for being unfair & unreasonable but you know what, no one is perfect and I have to say she impressed me with her growth. I want the best for her, I truly do. This second season of Oxygen's smash The Bad Girl's Club was my special treat to myself and I enjoyed the bejeezus out of it.

Why would I waste my time, you ask? Reality shows are beneath us, says you? Well, put down your pipe and that leather bound tome of yours, and take a gander at this, Einstein. I defy you to tell me this show was not fucking riveting, rollicking comedy gold afer reading this excerpted entry from Tanisha's online blog, regarding the explosive BGC2 reunion special:

It was shocking that Lyric [who left the house after only 2 weeks and a lot of crappy Rasta-esque poetry and really, really lame raps as discussed by the always amazing Jezebel- Ed.] decided to verbally attack me. I was completely thrown off because first of all I never had a problem with her mal-nourished spaghetti string, broom stick bamboo a$$.

She left the house simply because her sorry a$$ was there for all the wrong damn reasons. I mean come on now. Who the hell is going to sign someone that has the same name as the words of a song? Lyric? Yeah right Melissa! Try using your real name you hating a$$ b*tch! What I want to know is How the f*ck am I jealous of your nasty stringy scrawny dirty filthy a$$? B*tch what the hell are you doing with yourself? Besides making home videos and hitting up your local karaoke clubs and posting them on you tube? You’re a hater and that's all you will ever be Beiotch!

When your a$$ left we left on good terms. I hugged your frail a$$ and said my good-byes and that was that. I even spoke to you over the phone once after that when your pathetic worthless waste of good life a$$ called crying on the phone talking about "I should have never left man. Damn". B*tch get f*cking real!

You call yourself a queen? A role model and a star? Hahaha! The joke’s on you. You didn't last two seconds on the Bad Girls Club, the Tyra show, or the reunion. You’re just a hating a$$ trick that can't get a record deal even if you slept with half of the record execs across the U.S. You make me sick because your wack and weak and so damn fake!

You knew you had to leave the house b*tch because there could only be one captain and that was me! Your a f*cking loser flat a$$ wanna be rapper b*tch! Keep hating because I will always be big and marvelous. And you...well I suggest you go "watch a Tyra".

The only reason why I didn't drop kick your sorry a$$ was because I know how the LAPD gets down in LA. Thank the heavens you good for nothing smut!
**On another note it was cool seeing some of the old camera crews. I think that was the best part of all. To the bouncer who held me back: Lyric owes you her sorry a$$ life!**

Whoooo-weeee! Lyric does, indeed, need to fall back like "whoa"! I cackled like a plump, hateful hen throughout this reunion special and it left me wanting oh, so much more. All I know is, I am going to ask Tanisha to be my MySpace friend and if she says no, I may have to pop off this mortal coil.

Farewell, BGC2. Enjoy this final goodbye...a touching song tribute if ever there was one.

PS When you watch Oxygen's video clips for this show, the stupid mini-ad that comes on is for canker sores...say no more.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Scenic Greenport.

Had an amazing weekend away. I so rarely leave the city as, to me, being in New York is like one big crazy circus-vacation-dance party. But it's nearing (GASP!) 9 years that I've lived here and after an idyllic visit on the Island last summer courtesy of my friend Kloke (OK, OK it WAS the Hamptons, but I always felt creepy saying that out loud as if by so doing, I'd then immediately develop an Oompa-Loompa fake tan and get into an SUV and run over people) , I decided I wanted to make this summer of 2008 about escaping.

And so, after some impassioned Craig's List searching, a rental house was secured and pals were rounded up and driven/Jitney-ed/LIRR'd out for proper weekender visits. There was a hot tub, a Tiki Bar, stuffed jungle pets and a lot, and I do mean a LOT, of lighthouses. Also there was a life-sized Jar Jar Binks inflatable pool chair that really upset everyone. Too soon, Jar Jar. TOO SOON.

We went to some great wineries (I highly recommend both Castella di Borghese & Osprey's Dominion). One had an all breeds dog show taking place next to it, which was quite a sight. We drank 3-5 bottles of sparkling wine in an afternoon in a gazebo, rode bikes, watched Thank God It's Friday, Trading Places, April Fool's Day and Season One of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job, grilled farm stand veggies, switched out the 8 smart-assy statement-stamped beer cozys ("cosy" or "koozy"- someone clarify for me please) that were purchased impulsively as host gifts, ate strawberry-rhubarb pie and bacon for breakfast, and attempted to play a mint copy of the NHL VHS Board Game that was found in a closet. And there were lots of naps.

All in all, one of the best weekends I've had in I don't know how long. Enjoy pictures (thanks for those, Alty) and feel bad for yourself that you didn't go, peasants.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Greg Gillis, I think I want to marry you.

I am so ready for summer and this weekend is the big kick off! A trip out of town is in the works and I am all a-wiggle with G-L-E-E!

This sums it all up, AND HOW!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Of A Different Feather.

My friend Carla has a cool mailing list called, Bird of the Day. You should sign up. Why? Because stuff like the excerpt below from today's mailer will come to your very own inbox every darned day. Thanks, Ms. Carla!

Contemplative Cockatoo.

Contemplative Cockatoo works in an office all day surrounded by fellow workers that are somehow content with being locked in a windowless box and typing with their mangled carpal tunnel claws all day whilst their dreams whittle away.

Will Contemplative Cockatoo fly away and risk not having health insurance?

Or will he let his brain turn to slush and suffer the same fate full of
flat screen tvs, white picket fences, suvs and prime time television?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Too good.

The thing is, is this episode of Tim & Eric Nite Live is so uncomfortable, so honest, well-acted and so truly spot on it's blowing my mind. For anyone out there who has ever tried to produce & perform in their own comedy show, you will see yourself reflected in at least one of the people here. Let's hope it's not James Quall, however.

If you don't know who Tim & Eric are, you're really- as a comedian or a lover of comedy- doing yourself and the Unites States of America a disservice. Smart, subversive, creepy and fucking brilliant. I know I talk about them a lot on my blog and in person to any and all who will listen, but it's because seeing what they are doing is such an inspiration and I am just thrilled by it. They have a DVD out of their first season which I highly recommend. Do yourself the favor of picking it up, STAT.

And if you have some time, watch the follow up episode #12 of Nite Live which honestly...makes me just feel like I could go outside and get hit by a car and never get to live my comedy dreams because, I mean, why? How can it get better? I don't think it can. Pure genius.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Cat. Hat.

I love my cat. I don't give a fuck if you don't like it. And although I have accepted my crazy cat lady status, I have to say...it's never going to be this bad.

Thanks, WikiHow!

Thursday, May 01, 2008