Thursday, October 16, 2008

"And you know how the blacks love to tap dance!"

I thought everyone was kidding about this Joe The Plumber crackpot, who popped up so much in the most recent presidential election seemed so obvious that the guy was lured to interject his lame ass into a press conference by some McCain/Republican party flack. I was about to advocate that we all just utilize the "Ignore it and it will go away" tactic I've advised be applied to the Hilton sisters (with mild success, I might add), until I read this NY Times article, quoted below:

Mr. Wurzelbacher told Ms. Couric that his encounter with Mr. Obama was a matter of impulse.
“Neighbors were outside asking him questions, and I didn’t think they were asking him tough enough questions,” he said.

He went on, “You know, I’ve always wanted to ask one of these guys a question and really corner them and get them to answer a question,” he said, “for once instead of tap dancing around it. And unfortunately I asked the question, but I still got a tap dance.”

He added, “Almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr.”

I mean...did that just happen?!? Am I the only one who read that?!? More importantly, this moron's grousing about how he's eventually going to make enough to be taxed (supposedly), and that he doesn't want to help out others since he worked so hard for his money and that would be "socialist" to pay more taxes, in order to make sure everyone in the United States is taken care of, not just the Racist, selfish and stupid, all in one fell swoop? Amazing. It takes a country as great as ours to spit out ninnies like this.

I need a Scotch.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Chihuahua Fatwah, Part II: The End Is Nigh!

You know when you see an old man with creepy eyes- the kind with those sort of milk white, opaque corneas- and he's lurching about on the F train, clad in some sort of dun-colored garment, decrying the end of the world as we all know it? And you sort of snicker, and turn up your iPod, and shove your nose further into the copy of The New Yorker you're half-reading, half using as a sort of mace to poke the person sitting next to you who keeps moving too close for comfort?

Well, sad to say it, but it would seem, based on this past week's box office #1 hit, that that old cuckoo man was right. Because there can be no other explanation for a film featuring dogs with CG animated mouths and slightly xenophobic attitudes being a smash hit in a country where literacy is a given. Kiss your sweet ass goodbye, because the end of Western "civilization" is clearly nigh.

(stats via BoxOffice Mojo)

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Midrange Shopper

If I decide I want to purchase the now on sale Headless Animated Lifesize Headless Corpse Bride- and I'm not saying I'm for sure going to but, hypothetically- if I was to procure said beheaded newlywed, and position her directly at my desk at work, complete with her "...Animatronic decor accent" rolled up to top volume for 8 hours a day, Monday thru Friday, who's to stop me?

I mean really, who? Oh yeah?! YOU AND WHAT ARMY, JACKASS?!?

This product review below made my day, by the way. I have to say, it seems a bit harsh in spots. I mean, if your trachea was severed, there's gonna be some crushing so, let's not nitpick over vocal clarity, shall we?

Sometimes, I too seem very sad and would like "to maked you feel sorry" for me. Me and this robotic goth gal could have a few Ice brews and bitch it out about dudes in a big old way, huh? I mean...can she drink? Maybe I could pour it over the general neck wound? On second thought, better pass on those beers. Sorry, Morticia.