Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Almost immediately, I felt sorry.

This teaser trailer about made me keel over in my chair. Mostly because, I am going to see Liz Phair sing Exile In Guysville tomorrow night, and I keep almost crying when I think about it. Which is so lame. But this, this album in particular, is my mecca, you know? I watch this and I see Liz Phair and Urge Overkill and all of a sudden I'm in my dorm room at Long Beach State, in black matte Docs and fishnets and my dad's jeans I made into baggy cut offs, throwing a flannel over my Beastie Boys concert t-shirt and getting ready to go to the Fabulous Foothill Tavern to see Guttermouth and the Lunachicks, cradling a 40 of Mickey's in the crook of one arm and a Rentals CD in the other, and wishing this guy I was in love, love, love with named J.T. Costa would call me but figuring he wouldn't because he was on acid at the Luscious Jackson show in Santa Barbara.

This was back when the Polaroids that make up the creepy, sexy liner of Exile In Guysville still existed...back when cell phones were only for use inside cars, and everyone had land lines and answering machines with special codes you dialed in to check your messages. Fairly pre-internet, unless you were a huge nerd- so, not so much with the email and the IM and the texting. People had pagers. You could still smoke everywhere, all the time. I'm going to stop now. The point of this is to say:

I forgive you, you awesome crazy broad. I forgive you.

Also, I just found out that the Foothill closed and that made me start to cry. I saw so many awesome bands there. I remember going to see that dog. there and being so drunk I don't even know how I got home. Good times.


I don't appreciate being followed around and filmed for the purposes of a god-damned video. My life is PRIVATE thanks very much, down to flaunting my oft mentioned true life dream of having myself animated by Don Bluth (who did the sequence in the film Xanadu that I wish I had not seen because I think that's when, right then and there, that I was ruined for life). How RUDE.

Oh wait...this video isn't starring me? It's just an alarming approximation of my life at the present? Oh. Well.


Enjoy the Scissor Sister's Mary. And try not to make eye contact with me for a day or two. K, thanks.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

It has been a shitty week.

In the past week:

I acted like a drunk idiot and did something I regret incredibly. Let me rephrase that, I acted like a drunk 22 year old idiot, and did something I regret incredibly. So much the worse for me.

Some nimrod at my office came to my desk and informed me, since we seem to be having some sort of summer cleaning initiative, that she "loved" my "creativity" but that I was going to have to remove certain things from my desk area. Such as my pristine condition, 1980 bright yellow Animalympics lunchbox. Keep in mind it is strategically placed so I don't have to be on display the entire day to everyone who passes by my desk. Sometimes, we all want a little respite from small talk so we can focus and get things done, am I right? I know I am. When this fellow employee said this to me, I wanted to reply with so many cuss types of things to her condescending peaked little rat face. Instead I stared at her for a long time, then went back to looking at my screen and just sighed loudly, and she scampered off to ruin someone else's day. I know it's just her job, but something about it chapped my hide. It was such a "junior high cheerleader speaking down to an audio visual nerd" moment and I was really not in need of it at that particular time.

Speaking of work, because I know everyone wants to know more about mine, my computer died and all my hard drive stuff seems to be lost. Including my work iTunes. Bleeech. All my Girl Talk mp3s, all gone, poof! Not insurmountable but not ideal.

On a recent Friday night visit to Long Island City, I had a moment of sadness when I realized my nastiness had come back to bite me in the ass, and did so in a public fashion. While I stand by my opinions, I also had the fact that when you say mean things even if they are true and done in an effort to protect people you care for, the results are not always pretty. It's not fun having morals and expecting others to, especially when they then turn around and undermine you. The people I think I care the most about seem, especially in this last year, to disappoint me the most.

To top it all off, I found out an old friend of mine had passed away about a week ago, and I'd been so wrapped up in my own stupid little egocentric baloney I didn't know.

There's more, but it's so stupid I can't even write about it on this, this being potentially the world's most self-absorbed blog. Yeah, it's stuff that's THAT stupid.

Instead of pouting and moping and feeling bad all day again today, I decided to do something about it. My friend Sean had mentioned a website to me called Kiva, where you could make micro loans to individuals in developing nations. I went, picked two people whose loan requests I liked, and with the click of a button, felt instantly better. Like I was doing something of value. Instead of sitting around whinging, wasting time, which some people who I really cared about and admired, don't have the luxury of doing anymore.

You should check out today. With a loan of just $25, you can change lives.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Thinking of a master plan...nah.

Someone likes herself this video, which will surely keep American Apparel's pornographic swimwear line flying off the shelves, thereby bolstering the recent court woes of its Grand poo-bah pervert, Dov Charney.

Why does everyone hate so much on American Apparel ads, BTW? For the record, I like how not every woman in them is a white super skinny blonde, and that they even show their subject's pores, bruises, scars and even cellulite. You know, how real human females look when half-dressed-- not airbrushed plastic-filled freaks with hair color that's not bleached to shit? I, for one, dig it.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Mezmerized and horrified and delighted.

Blackwell, by Adela Leibowitz, 2007

I mean...this sums it up, for me. This right here. So creepy and enchanting and upsetting. I am going to stare at this for the next few hours and feel unsettled. And now you can, too.

Friday, June 13, 2008

And the companion...

Thanks Crespo!

My First (and last) Kiss.

I'd say Sara & I had our last dance last night, but a more appropriate description would bethat we had our last sweaty, creepy grind with a guy in a leather cord necklace to Next's hit Too Close. My love and thanks to everyone who came, and to those who didn't, YOU BLEW IT.

Thanks to the amazing cast of this series of videos, and to the wizardry of Carol Hartsell. Here's her very sweet description:

For two years Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco have produced a comedy show that will live on in our memories as a hilarious night of too many drinks, copious make-out sessions, and great comedians. These videos bring together many of The Kissing Booths friends and regulars to say a final goodbye.

Featuring: Becky Ciletti, Emily Epstein, Vince Averill, Matt Sears, Oren Brimer, Neil Charles, Matt McCarthy, Glennis McMurray, Giulia Rozzi, Michael Terry, Carolyn Castiglia, Dan Allen, Eliza Skinner, Anne Altman, Jenny Rubin, Ann Carr, Katina Corrao, Jon Friedman, Michele Colyn, Eliot Glazer, Nathan Kloke, Jiwon Lee, Rob Gordon, Anthony Devito, Carrie Faverty and Jay Bois

Directed and Edited by Carol Hartsell

Produced by Drink at Work and The Kissing Booth

Based on characters created and lived by Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco

And here's the companion- thanks Crespo!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Kissing Booth: FINAL SHOW!

The Kissing Booth was a monthly comedy
showcase hosted by duo Brandy & Sara from June 2006 to June 2008. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more were seen from from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacularly drunken finale. After the show, there was a FREE late nite dance party - with cheap booze all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!

The Kissing Booth presents: THE FINAL SHOW (a.k.a., We're Sorry)!

WHERE: The Tank
WHEN: Thursday June 12th, 2008
Cocktail hour & reception from 7 - 8 PM with FREE PUNCH!
Final Show from 8 - 9:30 PM
Final After Party from 9:45ish to ?
$3 Bud Light available all night, $4 wine, FREE PUNCH 'til the cooler runs dry!

Brandy & Sara are finally at the two year anniversary of their show! That’s right, two solid years of nonsense, hi-jinx, lewd talk and overall drunken bumbling is nigh. After some careful consideration, the gals have decided to take a hiatus to focus on other comedy projects together. So, much like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, they're leaping right the fuck off a cliff together (or running out with guns drawn to certain death, either/or) and getting out while the getting's good.

Come down to the final installment of what some people called their favorite show in New York (thanks Aubrey Tennant), some people called drunken karaoke rebranded as "comedy" and some people actually thought was a fucking monthly, operational Kissing Booth (those people were clearly retarded).

We'll have a lot of sentimental bullshit, and also some performances from:

Jamie Kilstein!

Eliot Glazer!

Matt & Katina!

Jay Bois!

Matt Ruby!

…and more, TBA!

PLUS: Photos taken by NATHAN KLOKE ( and ANYA GARRETT ( and maybe even a final, tear-stained DRUNKEN SHITTY KARAOKE FINALE!!! Be there one last time or regret it forever!

Cats & Chopsticks.

This is special for so many reasons:

Quietly charming with a worldly flair:

Different, but equally awesome:

Comedy Brilliance Round Up.

Haven't had a chance to post these fine snaps of me getting to meet some of my biggest comedy inspirations. So here they are, really really late.

OK, Bye.

Not So Much In Touch.

[Click on image to enlarge]

I love how this yellow-encircled snippet queries whether Mary Kate Olsen has a drinking problem, and then goes on to describe what tends to be my typical Tuesday night.

Oh well.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

**Insert Gun Shots and Air Horn Sound Effects Here**

I went with my gal pal Joselyn to see M.I.A. at McCarren Park Pool last Friday. The show was dope, and I wish I hadn't gotten so awfully wasted because it's all a pleasant, neon blur to me now. But it seems I took some pictures...and then later when sober, I stole some pictures. Photo credits noted.

What an amazing show, though. All you M.I.A. haters fuck off, she is amazing and her live shows have been an absolute treat. Not so much so for the lame afterparty we trekked to Studio B for which I have to say, made me want to scratch my eyes out. Yuck.

The title of this blog is a quote from Jos used when describing what happened every ten seconds at the concert. Lots and lots of sound effects, which I liked but had I not been plastered I probably would have hit the ground and started praying.

Flyers- Jos swiped a bunch for us. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Kisses & fun at the show for these two drunk ladies. Thanks, Turkey's Nest!

When the sun wast setting, thus the light show didst begin.

Palm tree up close. These looked amazing! [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

More blurry stage shots from the back, where we were drunkenly scampering.

Lights and more lights. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Best outfit of all time- M.I.A. and one of her great back up gals. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Waiting so, soooooooo long for the G we sobered up. Kinda.

My friends are amazing.

Sometimes I am just awestruck that I know some of the people I do. They make me laugh until I cry when I get to see them onstage or in videos, on TV, and so on. And the best part is I get to go out and get wrecked with them, too. Sometimes I even get to perform with them! Man oh man have I got it good. Yes, I am a braggart ass face.

Case in point: I watched my friends Livia & Biz's above video today and seriously freaked the fuck out. These two scamps have set the bar so high. I am full of interest and delight and fascination for this project. Hail Dirty Jeans & Thunderchief!

Monday, June 09, 2008

July 2008.

My birthday's coming up and look what popped up on Google today when I was answering an email from Sara! Thanks for your sensitive, thoughtful banner ads, Google! We ALL win!!!

[Click on image to enlarge, fools]

Spaghetti & Meatballs.

This clip pretty much sums up all there is to me to be said about relationships and romance. Yep. That's about it in my experience.

Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job is back with season 3 July 30th, 2008 on Adult Swim. Watch it, you ass.

One To Vomit On.

My friend Ann Carr sent me this and it made me mostly sad, then somewhat angry then I just sighed and shook my head. Then I went and had a large hazelnut iced coffee and considered how much I hate other people. Not just men, other people- because there are lots and lots of female producers on these fucking shows, too.

What a bunch of bullshit. Cut to me today, on the F train to work, reading in my new print obsession, New York Magazine, about this shrill opportunistic money-grubbung shrew who has the audacity to compare her shit show plays to Eugene O'Neill and makes YouTube videos whining about how she won't get any money from her sickening sham of a "marriage". Then again, that old fool married her. I can't seem to get so much as groped by someone with a full set of clean teeth and this dumb broad is getting millions thrown at her to not have sex and get to buy shoes and shit all the time?!? Can someone make this make sense to me please? Because there is not enough iced hazelnut coffee in this world to do so right now methinks.

This world makes me annoyed. Paaaayyycce.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Songs What I Forgot: Right Here (Human Nature Remix), S.W.V.

Damn, that's my equestrian jaaaaaam. This song still rules and if I still had a tape player, I'd be listening to it on CASSINGLE. Remember cassingles?! No? Well, Grandma B. sure does.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Get MORTIFIED Tonight!

Hey all, come on down tonight to see me, that's right, ME, get totally MORTIFIED!


A comic excavation of teen angst artifacts as shared by their original authors before total strangers.

53 W 14th St New York, NY 10014
8 PM


Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is co-produced in New York by Brandy Barber & Anne Altman.

*** Two-item minimum per person in the showroom.

Please click here for tickets!