Brandy For Sale is no more.

Hey all-



I've moved!  Alert the press (and my parole officer).


You can find me here:

www.brandybarber.com


I'm on Twitter:
@BrandyBarber

Thanks for reading this old blog, if you do or ever did.  Mom, my one and only reader, this means you.

Broads I Like: E.G. Daily

I like E.G. Daily.  I think she's darling and I love that she was in all sorts of movies I loved when I was growing up being, in turn, sexy & conniving (Valley Girl), fey & gamine (Pee Wee's Big Adventure) and singing her heart out in a kick ass silver ruffled cocktail dress (Better Off Dead). 

She's a voice over queen and a musician, and I think she's kick ass.  I even forgive her for this disturbing photograph (she apparently was married at one time to the very same twerp that porked The Orifice That Shall Go Unnamed, pictured here to the left, in a particular "sex" tape).

My pal Sara Jo started a Facebook fan page for other E.G. Daily lovers, and you should look it up and join it.  I will link to it when I feel like it.

So...I re-quit as of Tuesday.

I've quit smoking about 3 times now, give or take. I quit after I got pneumonia at my friend Oren's pool party; I quit after my friend Glennis's 30th b-day; I quit when packs in NYC went up to 10 bucks.

Each time, I've done great right out of the gate. Then, I allow myself one or, even worse, allow myself to be talked into one. It's sad. I've decided that I no longer like this.

I am going to start an informal list of reasons why I quit. I think there's some sort of ad campaign that does the same thing (probably to get you to take some drug the pharmaceutical companies are peddling thru some sort of handshake with the tabacco industries) but, they can go screw. This is for me. Enjoy (and, like me, hope this sticks).


Reason #1: My friend Daniel burned me with his cigarrete & left a scar when we were on a smoke break together.

Real creepy-like.

Sometimes, the Quote Of The Day site reads my mind and freaks me out.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.
- Russell Baker

Eerie.

Other times, I want to pee on whoever makes the quote selections:

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Abraham Maslow

Mortified Love Edition

Mortified Love Edition
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

Thanks Anya!

Rent My Smith Street,Brooklyn Apartment!

So, the time has come for me to vacate my Smith Street diggs after 6 wonderful years...giving you all 1st crack as we are on the lease until July 31st, 2009 and want to make sure it's rented March 1st no matter what. Details:

-2 bedroom, one bath apartment with large kitchen full of storage, den AND living room-seriously! It is HUGE.
-Located on corner of Smith & Baltic Streets
-2nd floor of privately owned building- we are the only tenants
-Rent is currently $2,100.00 thru May '09 lease (That includes heat, electricity and water - gas separate, about $20 a month)
-Landlord and family live in apartment below
-3 Min. to F Train, 10 min walk to A/C/2/3/4/5/N at Borough Hall
-1 large bedroom with closet, one smaller bedroom with no closet- 2 closets in hallway with plenty of space
-Large kitchen with dishwasher, tons of cabinet space, full sized appliances (great for a cook)- enough room for a bistro table too!
-1 bathroom, bathtub/shower combo with frosted glass doors, fully tiled
-Large living room and den- the common space in this place is insane and is the best feature. 5 windows, 3 facing Baltic Street and 2 facing Smith so lots of fresh air and natural light. All bedrooms have windows as well.

There is a laundromat around the corner and apartment is across the street from a grocery store, very convenient. Wired for cable. Safe, always busy bustling neighborhood- you get a little noise sometimes because we are right on the corner but, nothing a nice white noise machine or the air conditioner won't mask nicely.

This block is full of every boutique they write about in LuckyMagazine each month and peppered with restaraunts & swanky cocktail lounges that make befuddled Manhattan dwellers sulk of the F train(Char. #4, Clover Club, The Grocery, Po)

It's an AMAZING space, very cozy and warm with lots of legroom. You have to see it to believe the cost for the location...insane.

We'll start showing it officially Feb.17th- contact me for an appointment, before we hand it off to a broker!

Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job is the best thing of all time and fuck you if you don't agree.

Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Season Quad! from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

Shine On, You Crazy Southern Diamond.

I was noodling around online, in an aimless lazy Sunday search for the names of Paula Deen's various dogs. On the TV as background noise was an episode of a Food Network show that detailed Paula helping what has to be the most boring couple I have EVER seen renovate their boring kitchen in their BOOOOOORRRRIIIIINNNNGGGG house. I mean, between the two of them they have the personality of a piece of discarded gum. Example: after the reveal, the mouse-wife raises her voice about one notch to semi-whisper, "Oh my GOSH...there's ducks!" Never were more profound words uttered.

So of course you can see why I was more intrigued by the idea of Paula's dogs...and my search led me to a post on TV Squad and, the ensuing comments. The winner of the bunch is posted here in its entirety.

After reading this comment, I have decided that I sincerely wish the terrorists would bomb Middle America next time. Specifically, the petty mean-spirited c*@t who wrote this tripe. She strikes me as the type of Southern shrew who chuckles over her family's slave owning past as if it's kind of a quaint affectation. I hope she chokes on her sweet tea, I really do.

Enjoy!

Recent Comments:

Food Network hopes Paula Deen will attract younger viewers {TV Squad}

Oct 15th 2006 3:48PM My husband and I have been Paula Deen fans since she first set foot on FoodNetwork...clear back to Gordon Elliott's show Door Knock Dinners where she was a guest chef. Unfortunately, her fame and fortune have taken away her down home southern belle class and replaced it with arrogance, flash, and risque behavior. My husband says if he were Michael, he'd put his foot down about some of the things she does on her show (i.e. licking a guest's mouth to get some food off his lips, hopping into bed with an engaged couple, rubbing a guest's hair and commenting on how hard it was and laughing her now-irritating laugh.

Paula, you had a huge fan-base before you started acting like a southern tart. If you ditch the trash talk and smutty behavior, you'll see we're still right there behind you loving you each step of the way. But your new ways grew old and tiresome very quickly. Get back to basics! You shine brighter than the biggest diamond!

Paula and Richard Pearman

DO AS I SAY.

I found out about Dri on Crossfade, the blog generated for Download.com (which is a leg of the ever helpful CNet.com). I really love this blog, I found out about so much great new music here and I am super devoted to it. Anyway iTunes & Amazon are funally carrying Dri's amzing album Smoke Rings as a full download so, I think you should check it out. Well worth it- only 8 bucks on iTunes right now.

This song should be enough inspiration as to why. It is and has been, my theme tune for the past few months.

Bye!

Just add milk...but never after midnight!

As you may well be aware, I was kind of obsessed for a while with the film Gremlins as a child. I mean, who wasn't? It was second only to Ghostbusters at the box office when it opened. It even had its own cereal (which, I might add, was really tasty and was similar to Cap'n Crunch). Plus, you can see Robby the Robot and Steven Spielberg in cameos in it. And a tiny Corey Feldman, pre- meth.

I liked it so much, I even cribbed Phoebe Cates's very black comedy monologue from it for one of my own films. Feel free to compare them below, and let me know what you think:

Oh, you shouldn't have!

No, REALLY. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE, in fact. What a nightmare orgy of consumerist crap this country has spun itself into. Sheesh:

Summer Heights High: WATCH THIS NOW.

I really cannot say enough how impressed I am with this show. If you have HBO or access to HBO OnDemand at someone else's house, you really need to do yourself the favor of sitting down to watch it. It's an amazing Australian comedy series that HBO acquired and is currently airing.

It's that good. Take my word - Chris Lilley is a genius and you'll be hearing a lot about him very, very soon. In this show, he plays the three main characters, all of whom are subtly costumed but so amazingly spot on you won't realize that you're watching a 35 year old man play a 16 spoiled private school diva. Or a troubled Tongan teenager who loves breakdancing. Or a racist, small minded drama teacher.

Head on over to HBO and take a gander at Summer Heights High.

Chihuahua Fatwah, Part III: South Central Chihuahua!

Compliments of The Soup, which makes me glad to be alive on a weekly basis.

"And you know how the blacks love to tap dance!"

I thought everyone was kidding about this Joe The Plumber crackpot, who popped up so much in the most recent presidential election debates...it seemed so obvious that the guy was lured to interject his lame ass into a press conference by some McCain/Republican party flack. I was about to advocate that we all just utilize the "Ignore it and it will go away" tactic I've advised be applied to the Hilton sisters (with mild success, I might add), until I read this NY Times article, quoted below:

Mr. Wurzelbacher told Ms. Couric that his encounter with Mr. Obama was a matter of impulse.
“Neighbors were outside asking him questions, and I didn’t think they were asking him tough enough questions,” he said.

He went on, “You know, I’ve always wanted to ask one of these guys a question and really corner them and get them to answer a question,” he said, “for once instead of tap dancing around it. And unfortunately I asked the question, but I still got a tap dance.”

He added, “Almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr.”

I mean...did that just happen?!? Am I the only one who read that?!? More importantly, this moron's grousing about how he's eventually going to make enough to be taxed (supposedly), and that he doesn't want to help out others since he worked so hard for his money and that would be "socialist" to pay more taxes, in order to make sure everyone in the United States is taken care of, not just the privilidged...wow. Racist, selfish and stupid, all in one fell swoop? Amazing. It takes a country as great as ours to spit out ninnies like this.

I need a Scotch.

Chihuahua Fatwah, Part II: The End Is Nigh!

You know when you see an old man with creepy eyes- the kind with those sort of milk white, opaque corneas- and he's lurching about on the F train, clad in some sort of dun-colored garment, decrying the end of the world as we all know it? And you sort of snicker, and turn up your iPod, and shove your nose further into the copy of The New Yorker you're half-reading, half using as a sort of mace to poke the person sitting next to you who keeps moving too close for comfort?

Well, sad to say it, but it would seem, based on this past week's box office #1 hit, that that old cuckoo man was right. Because there can be no other explanation for a film featuring dogs with CG animated mouths and slightly xenophobic attitudes being a smash hit in a country where literacy is a given. Kiss your sweet ass goodbye, because the end of Western "civilization" is clearly nigh.

(stats via BoxOffice Mojo)

Midrange Shopper

If I decide I want to purchase the now on sale Headless Animated Lifesize Headless Corpse Bride- and I'm not saying I'm for sure going to but, hypothetically- if I was to procure said beheaded newlywed, and position her directly at my desk at work, complete with her "...Animatronic decor accent" rolled up to top volume for 8 hours a day, Monday thru Friday, who's to stop me?

I mean really, who? Oh yeah?! YOU AND WHAT ARMY, JACKASS?!?












This product review below made my day, by the way. I have to say, it seems a bit harsh in spots. I mean, if your trachea was severed, there's gonna be some crushing so, let's not nitpick over vocal clarity, shall we?

Sometimes, I too seem very sad and would like "to maked you feel sorry" for me. Me and this robotic goth gal could have a few Ice brews and bitch it out about dudes in a big old way, huh? I mean...can she drink? Maybe I could pour it over the general neck wound? On second thought, better pass on those beers. Sorry, Morticia.

Got A Firm But Hard For You.

I know everyone who reads this blog (my Mom) is plenty sick of me squalling about what I think is funny, and what I think deserves attention from you, the comedy viewer blah blah blah. But honestly, I refuse to feel bad for consistently plugging the magic that is Tim and Eric, Awesome Show Great Job! to the cyber universe. It's the first show I've felt this selfish about, which is silly but so true.

I haven't gotten this preachy and amped up about things that WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH GODDAMMIT since I saw Garth Merenghi at 2 am when I had insomnia and it was on the Sci Fi Channel, or when my pal Carla Rhodes showed me a bootleg of Look Around You at her birthday party, or when I somehow caught a marathon of Spaced on BBC America (minus the last episode, which it took me 2 years to get to see finally)...all of these comedy obsessions happened a fair time ago, and then, there was pretty much nothing new that really floored me for a while. Then, when I was really sick with a fever and flipping thru the channels aimlessly, I stumbled upon Tim & Eric in the middle of Season One and became mildly (OK incredibly) obsessed. It makes me feel like I did when I first saw The State, amazed and like someone was acting out inside jokes that weren't inside at all but had that kind of intimacy.

Look, how often does a show make fun of mediocrity, media pretentiousness, blind consumerism, and of the daily awkwardness present in all human interaction- plus feature occasional fart gags- all in one fell swoop?! Tim & Eric is like a Looney Toon mated with an 80's public access talent show, broadcast straight from hell and with a 70s AM Gold soundtrack. Which suits me just fine.

If you haven't watched it STILL, then go to iTunes and pick up Seasons 2 & 3. You can also buy the Season 1 DVD, which I find to be a huge hit at all weekend away gatherings, seriously (it was a smash at the Ithaca Nuptials last weekend, for example). It gets a reaction out of pretty much everyone, which is more than I can say for Ghostbusters 2.

The finale for Season 3 of TAEASGJ is on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network tonight 12:30 AM. I think you should make the time to watch it, because I promise you, you will want to say you saw this show way back when years from now. These guys- and the people they work, shoot and write with- are really the future of American comedy for people who truly love it. I, for one, am so glad to for that, and I look forward to whatever they produce from here on out. Great job!

Jar Full of Roaches: Candid Snap

Jar Full of Roaches Promo
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

Enjoy this snap from Anya Garrett...delightful! This was from our postcard photoshoot. Postcard, you say? That's right, postcards for our all new sketch show! Details to follow, suckers!

Brandy & Sara in:

JAR FULL OF ROACHES

Directed by Oren Brimer

Tuesdays @ 9:30 PM thru October 2008
The P.I.T. 154 W. 29th Street $5
Tix: www.thepit-nyc.com

Comedy duo Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco present an all new sketch show, directed by Oren Brimer. Some simp may have said that life is just a bowl full of cherries, but Brandy & Sara think it's more like a jar full of roaches. Will there be demented work out videos? Seething hostility expressed thru offers of kindness? Screeching? You betcha. And one lucky guest will win his or her very own Jar Full Of Roaches at each and every show.

We need a little Xmas, right this very minute...

So summer was like, 10 minutes long, am I right? IS THIS THING ON?!? I'm all a-wiggly to head up to gorgeous Ithaca for the wedding of two friends this weekend. I remember looking at this event as the amazing cap off of the summer and now, here it finally is!

It was nice and fall-like, very chilly today (which may be due to our overstimulated central air in the office but I digress) and I got that familiar rush I do at this time of the year. It's one of unmitigated glee of realizing my FAVORITE season has arrived. I love the fall and winter, love all the holidays and celebrating and gorging. I just got a stomach dip of excitement when I realized there would be honest to god snow soon!!! Mostly I am thrilled to go back to California and see my family. All of the sudden visions of aging basset hounds and deep fried turkey and my Dad's artillery punch are dancing in my head.

Yay to sleet and snow and hail and puddles! Yay to sweaters and scarves and coats and down comforters! yay to tights and cardigans and snow boots! Yay to getting drunk with all the other orphans on Thanksgiving in Williamsburg and having an impromptu scarf-wrapped-on-your-head-like-a-burka dance jam to Soulja Boy! Most of all yay to me maybe molesting someone (or multiple people) under the mistletoe at my annual, poorly planned and shoddily exectuted holiday BROOKLYN FRIENDSHIPS (TM) party! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!! WHAT I LIKE!!! LOOK AT ME SOME MORE!

Want That One!

I may have to get HBO just to see all six episodes of Little Britain USA. If you haven't caught the original Little Britain in re-runs on BBC America before, go out now and get the DVDs, because you're really going to be pleased with them. And if not then you're an ass.

Signed,

the Comedy Snob.