Wednesday, October 25, 2006

My Mackenzie Astin Sex Dream: Full Circle?

When I was 12, I had an incredibly intense dream about Mackenzie Astin, then still on TV's The Facts of Life. Said intensity sprung from the fact that in this dream, we were both naked and, although details were hazy, humping was in some form involved. I seem to recall laying side by side on very white sheets with a very backlit, gauzy look to the whole thing, and he was looking very lovingly at my unclothed hip. Did I mention we were NUDE?

This was scandalous for a variety of reasons. One of which being that I had already openly declared my undying love for Mackenzie's brother, Sean, he of the sleeper teen adventure hit, The Goonies. The various snaps of him torn from the pages of "Teen Beat" and blue sticky-tacked to my walls were proof of that. My taste for dramatic, tempestuous, and taboo romantic liases started early, you can clearly see.

But more disturbing that this inter-sibling adultery was the fact that I woke up not just wanting to kiss Mackenzie Astin, as had been the case with various furious crushes from my childhood, such as Simon LeBon, Rod Stewart, Mick Jagger, Henry Thomas (from E.T.), Ricky Schroeder (when he was in The Champ), Michael Hutchence, whoever the lead boy with black hair and freckles was in The Black Stallion, that one hot blonde kid from The Bad News Bears with a bowl cut, the entire cast of S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders, and Timothy Dalton (in Flash Gordon- I had goen so far as to have slobbered all over the TV screen in order to simulate making out qith him, toi my father's infinite disgust). These crushes, while elaborately fantazsied about, usually ended in quite the PG-rated manner, with embraces, hand holds and many smooches and then, myself and said crush were magically married.

But not this time.

This time, I not only had a crush on Mister Astin. And not only did I want to give him a buss. But I wanted to DO IT WITH HIM.

This, my friends, was a turning point for me. A milestone of sexual awakening. Or mild insanity and star worship. Either/or.

Anyway, I found out that a mutual friend ran into the real, live adult Mackenzie Astin recently (and said he was a very charming, lovely gentleman- I am not the least bit surprised) and I got very excited. Like, REALLY excited. The term "live the dream" has never been so appropos. The fact that this mutual friend knew the lucky young lady who is apparently currently dating Mackenzie Astin has done little to cool the ardour that has resurfaced in my molten heart. I'm going to be watching my copy of Last Days of Disco (on VHS no less) in the near future, of that you can be sure.


klokems said...

yer gross

saraisloco said...

Wasn't he also in the Garbage Pail Kids movie? Wait, did they make that movie or is that another of Allocco's creations?

Brandy For Sale. said...

Wait until you hear about the sex dream I had about YOU, Kloke. You'll be like to faint. OK there was no sex dream but there was one time when I tried to kick you when you said we should get married in 10 years.

SJ you are correct, he was in said film. The fact that you know that is why you are my special little lady. What? Gross.

NotWithoutMyHatand Bell said...

He looks a little old and hair receding in that photo but I would still do him..