I wish a cuckoo would pop out of there.

9:29 PM
You're welcome.

If you ever think I start to sound like Kennedy, please. Please shoot me. I can't help it that we both have glasses and curly hair, but the shrill, middle of the road comedy is what I'm concerned about. I don't hate her, even if she's still A Republican shill. I just don't want to be her. I want to be Chelsea Handler, though. Now SHE kicks ass. I've just seen her do the strongest commentary on the incredily patronizing E! clip show, "50 Most Outrageous TV Moments". She's blowing it out of the water. I aspire to be a cross between the stuff she's doing, Rachael Harris, and ya moms.

11:42 pm
Dear lord, the Sex Inspectors is amazing. I want to watch it over and over and over. It is like a big, fat delicious pan of homemade mac and cheese topped in chunks of tri-tip steak. And then washed down with Vernor's Ginger Ale straight from Cleveland and a goddamned Snickers bar.

11:44 pm
Awww, shit! The "Dirty Laundry" episode of Surreal Life 5. I will swill some flat Dr. Pepper and ride out the post sex Inspectors bliss. I kind of want to go have cucumber finger sandwiches and almond tea at Tea & Sympathy with Sally Jessy Raphael. I like her. She's canny and kitschy- like when she was on TV Funhouse. Plus, gotta love a lady in the glasses (with the exception of the aforementioned Kennedy).

Omorosa: "Let's just do the damn thing." Yes. Let's.

11:54 pm
I wonder of it would be safe to drink the Spicy Buffalo sauce that is now offered at the KFC Flavor Station. I'll go ahead and be the woman brave enough to get to the bottom of it.

11:57 pm
Oh dear god. First a commerical with a talking baby slobbering over a Quizno's sub. Then, another commerical with some sort of talking animal which I kinda forgot the jist of while I was editing this and also because I was distracted by the clip of Janice yelling at the mentally challenged adults, "Hey! Rainman!" Shit. When it comes back on I will bitch about it in detail because it damn sure made me squirm. ADHD.

12:16 pm
OK, that's IT. Enough fucking around, people. I have just seen an ad for a film called Dreamer and I jave the following decree to make: There needs to be a blackout date enacted to prevent that little imp Dakota Fanning from being in any more movies. Seriously! What's she up to now, like 47 films?! I'm going to feed her and her stage parents some rat poison brownies. Lay off already. Ever hear of a little child superstar by the name of Anissa Jones*, nee' Buffy from A Family Affair? Look her up.

*BTW, the town she OD'd in (Oceanside, California) is where I grew up. Oside's other claim to fame? Besides having a giant Marine base, a Jolly Roger restaurant nestled in the harbor, and a fascinating barrio, the town is also one of the places Charles Manson spent the night post-masterminding his murder spree. Thank god my parents eventually moved and my brother got to go to a public school that was akin to a boarding school. Me? I went to the high school that the angry black cheerleaders in "Bring It On" did. I'm not kidding.