Tuesday, November 15, 2005

You Gots The Vapors.

Sara & Danielle were meant to guest bartend at the questionable midtown bar Vapors, but due to a scheduling error on the bar's part it didn't happen. Luckily, they managed to have many free drinks handed over as a compensation for this oversight. And, in turn, we who turned out to show support managed to extract drinks from the leather blazered, Chess King frequenting clientele. Eeek.

This place was so awful, really. Like, you walk in and it has stupid steam coming out of everywhere and assholes willingly paying $12 for a cocktail. It's the kind of bar I'd never go to, and when forced to, I fantasize about burning it to the ground. My hatred was compounded by the disgusting "TGIF" trolls patrolling the dance floor. I just want to go to the bathroom, no I don't want to dance with you OR the 5 frat brothers you STILL hang out with. I almost left right when I walked in, but Danielle came and guided me to Sara. I then amused myself by daring Sara to do awful things, such as sneak into the janitor's closet, steal a mop and start cleaning the dance floor, fake a pratfall, pretend to fall and yank down a cheesy gauze curtain, and best of all to dance with a buffoon in a button up with his tie untied, but hanging around his shoulders like a scarf your grandpa wears over his jacket. We just got more and more rowdy as we got drunker, and kept screaming about how bad the club was. It got really dead, and it was freezing for no reason, and we started taking pictures of people to be assholes. I believe there was mooning. Then, suddenly, it started filling up with girls in bad halter tops with back-fat spilling out from their strapless bras and glitter body spray. The reek of Hugo Boss aftershave was too much to bear. All around us, it became Bollywood Night at the club, and we were soon walled in by a very enthusiastic crowd of 20-something Indian men and women. They steered plenty clear of us, and I assume they must have thought we were insane. It was awful. Feast your eyes upon the magic.

Yes, Sara IS wearing gloves and a turtleneck because THEY HAD THE FUCKING AIR CONDITIONERS ON for no reason, it was not the least bit crowded or hot until about 12 am when the Bollywood dance party began. Boy, were they glad to see us there.

Sara slammed down Giulia's wine glass in a show of outrage.

The end result of anger. If you look to the lower left you can see my Maker's on the rocks. Also, steam poured out from the manky water baths from under these cubes,so I dumped a pineapple juice that I found into one. You're welcome.

Giula was less than amused by the club projecting slides reading "VAPOR" on all available surfaces. She kept asking, "Shit where am I again...oh yeah VAPOR!!!!!!!!" Here she lets the vapors move her.

Again, the creepy vapors make you do strange things, like bite butts and flip off the Vapor slide projector.


saraisloco said...

DANGER!!!!!! VAPOR!!!!!!!!!

Giulia said...

I love it when Sara eats my ass

Insensible said...

This is why I read your blog.

Matt said...

more ass-biting in the future please, girls. thanks.