Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Sam Rockwell, This HAS to stop.

Dear Sam Rockwell,

I'm so sorry it has to come to this between us. But I have to be honest with you, it's just not working out for me. I know, I know, and please, take that look off your face- I know you're upset. I don't blame you. But I just didn't want you to be the last to know. We can't be an item, and you've got to accept it and stop just showing up in my life. I beg of you, Sam- let me be the woman I need to be.

This all started when we danced together at that one after show cast party at New York Stage & Film, up on the Vassar campus, way back when in 2003. I know you were loaded, probably too loaded to even remember since you danced with pretty much every lady there, especially the 18 year old actress apprentices. But I know that's just your defense mechanism. You were trying to lure me, to make me jealous. Sam- we both know that's just childish. It didn't work. But I certainly respected your dancing stamina, I'll give you that. Also the fact that I was taller then you was kinda gross- I can't lie. Shhh- no please, don't speak. It's just going to make this harder.

Things were pretty low key between us for a few years. You did your films (loved you in "Hitchikers' Guide" BTW), I did my various artisitic pursuts*, and we let it breathe ala Blu Cantrell. That is, until last weekend.

Which was, and I know you know this, the huge Bastille Day celebration here in Brooklyn. There's the largest petanque tournament in the US, right on my beloved Smith Street. Over 100,000 spectators crammed themselves on the block, and all sorts of merriment ensued.

I was out with my pals, strolling the streets, feeling ennui in the most French of ways. And then I saw you. I was, to sat the least, shocked. Were you there with Tim Robbins, also spotted enjoying the fun? I don't know. I don't want to know. I just want to make it clear that, things are O-V-E-R between us. And I really appreciate your devotion and enthusiasm, but it's getting close to stalking. You keep popping up wherever I am, and I can't have that. Look, I don't want to embarass you, but do I have to pull a John Cusak up in here? I don't want it to go that way, Sam. Nor, I imagine, do you.

Sam Rockwell, you're a handsome Hollywood sensation. I know you can have anyone you want, but, and I'm sorry to say this- you can't have me. No one can, Sam. No one.



* these included being unemployed, being drunk, and sleeping a lot.


saraisloco said...

Blue Cantrell....ha's stoned again. Also - I have that song on my ipod - the remix with Sean Paul.

Brandy For Sale. said...

so what's that supposed to be about baby
ya'll free up ya mind and stop actin crazy
reminisce about all the good times daily
why you try pull that got me actin crazy

Blu Cantrell & Sean Paul, "Breathe (REMIX)"

2na said...

Tino and I sipped quite a few Ricards while Paul the bartender and Rockwell had a chat for a while and we kept acting like we had no idea who he was but we sure did... and seriously too short and to me not hot -- but that's just me. He did seem friendly and did say he is friends with someone at BK Social whom I assume is most-likely Ivan the actor/bartender there... who is in a few real things but nothing major -- nice guy any old way. What is the birthday plan??? Let me know cause I would like to celebrate.

Brandy For Sale. said...

I will say this for him: he is a really good dancer.

But short.

anne altman said...

great. cusack's stalker ruined it for everyone, didn't she?