I'm so sorry it has to come to this between us. But I have to be honest with you, it's just not working out for me. I know, I know, and please, take that look off your face- I know you're upset. I don't blame you. But I just didn't want you to be the last to know. We can't be an item, and you've got to accept it and stop just showing up in my life. I beg of you, Sam- let me be the woman I need to be.
This all started when we danced together at that one after show cast party at New York Stage & Film, up on the Vassar campus, way back when in 2003. I know you were loaded, probably too loaded to even remember since you danced with pretty much every lady there, especially the 18 year old actress apprentices. But I know that's just your defense mechanism. You were trying to lure me, to make me jealous. Sam- we both know that's just childish. It didn't work. But I certainly respected your dancing stamina, I'll give you that. Also the fact that I was taller then you was kinda gross- I can't lie. Shhh- no please, don't speak. It's just going to make this harder.
Things were pretty low key between us for a few years. You did your films (loved you in "Hitchikers' Guide" BTW), I did my various artisitic pursuts*, and we let it breathe ala Blu Cantrell. That is, until last weekend.
Which was, and I know you know this, the huge Bastille Day celebration here in Brooklyn. There's the largest petanque tournament in the US, right on my beloved Smith Street. Over 100,000 spectators crammed themselves on the block, and all sorts of merriment ensued.
I was out with my pals, strolling the streets, feeling ennui in the most French of ways. And then I saw you. I was, to sat the least, shocked. Were you there with Tim Robbins, also spotted enjoying the fun? I don't know. I don't want to know. I just want to make it clear that, things are O-V-E-R between us. And I really appreciate your devotion and enthusiasm, but it's getting close to stalking. You keep popping up wherever I am, and I can't have that. Look, I don't want to embarass you, but do I have to pull a John Cusak up in here? I don't want it to go that way, Sam. Nor, I imagine, do you.
* these included being unemployed, being drunk, and sleeping a lot.