My Mom: I am looking at everything you're typing now.
Me: Quit pestering me!
My Mom: Get to work. Do your thing.
Me: You sound like some gross disco song. Can it, Sylvester.
My Mom: (oblivious to the sarcasm) As soon as I see you type something on your work--
Me: YOU WANT ME TO TYPE SOMETHING!?! HERE YOU GO!!!
(I type in the letters "F U", show computer to My Mom)
My Mom: (sniffs disdainfully) That stands for "follow up".
(steam pours out of my ears)
LATER. A "Sex in the City" promo comes on TBS.
My Mom: Which one is a lesbian?
Me: Cynthia Nixon. I like her.
My Mom: Now, she's a very good actress.
Me: Yeah, I respect her for coming out. She was married and I guess she felt she was living a lie-
My Mom: Well so was Anne Heche, and she was just confused.
Me: Nah, she's crazy, I read her biography and it was so sad. Her Dad was a closeted gay pastor who molested the entire family.
My Mom: Oh dear.
Me: People who claim to love Jesus seem to molest people a lot.
My Mom: I love Jesus.
Me: No you don't!!! Don't say that, don't be religous because everyone else is, it's trite.
My Mom: Well, I belive in a higher spiritual power.
Me: OK So do I but I don't have to call it a stupid title with a bunch of stupid associations.
My Mom: I don't beleive in organized religion per se-
My Mom: (muses) But I do love Jesus.
Me: Oh, here we go.