My Mom has turned on a re-run of "7th Heaven" and claims to have "lost" the remote control. I am being forced to watch it because I am too lazy to move to change the channel. I want to vomit. I am in no mood to have religious bullshit shoved down my throat. I keep yelling about how awful it is but my Mom is humming and entertaining herself by trying to go through all my belongings without my noticing and making snotty comments. She claims she's able to tune the TV out. I, on the other hand, cannot seem to ignore the spectacle of the pastor scolding his son for going behind his back and getting a part time job caring for a kid who's dying because he wants to make sure the son realizes how serious it is, and some sort of tripe about the girls not realzing that being a stay at home Mom is their Mother's dream job!!! Because that's what Moms do, make cakes and sew and sing about jesus in Sunday School, right?!? It rankles me and I get hopped up on spite. Not hopped up enough to move and change it, however. But still.
My Mom is clearly trying to kill me.
Me: I'm hungry.
My Mom: Go make something.
Me: There's no food here.
My Mom: Go make some Rice A Roni and we'll have that.
Me: Are you high?! I'm not eating just Rice A Roni. Is that what you want?! Just a bowl of Rice A Roni?
My Mom: Sounds good to me.
Me: Quit being an a-hole. You're acting like an a-hole.
My Mom: I'm not being an a-hole Brandy. I'm being a realist.
Me: You're being a realist a-hole.