Tuesday, December 27, 2005

"What's This "We" Shit? Do You Have A Mouse In Your Pocket?"

This, one of Terry's classics, was uttered to me when I suggested we should go to dinner at a local sushi place.

I went to a baby shower today and felt utterly at sea. I was fascinated by the babies in attendance, who were all well behaved and cute. Alternately, I was terrified of them and kept trying not to look too much at them lest I become a ninny and start yammering about wanting to get married and "settle down in a few years".

"Settle down"- what a lame phrase. Settle down is what people say to me when I'm whup-ass drunk and I start ripping holly branches off of Brooklyn street poles, just for fun. It's not something I plan to do in the event I ever get married, which at this point is up for speculation. I've yet to have it made appealing to me. I mean, the party part is really all I care about, and I admit I have propsed to my gay friends repeatedly in an effort to split the gifts we'd surely rack up because people, Barber lusts after a Cuisinart like Kirstie Alley yearns for another 3 dozen Kripsy Kremes.

Sara and I, for example, have elaborate plans about our "weddings" which really boils down to what songs we'll play ("Through The Fire" is one we both agreed on one drunken night) and what we'll sing when we perform for our guests ("Someone to Watch Over Me" is Allocco's choice, I suspect there could be some ELO or maybe even DeBarge from me if I can swing it) and how we'll pose in the announcements (I kind of fancied a photoshopped re-envisioning of "The Best of Blondie" cover for mine, me in a white dress holding a reflection, etc.), how kids are banned because we want all our adult friends drunk and not distracted, and so on and so forth. I think someone once tried to point out to the two of us (unwisely) that we might want to actually consider that the poor bastards who endeavored to marry us might want a wee bit of a say in the festivities. I believe Sara and I smiled politely at this person, blinked, then turned our backs on them and, promptly made each other cry about how I wanted someone to slow-dance to "I Love You" by Climax Blues Band with me at my nuptials. And also, "Don't Disturb This Groove" by the System. And how can we forget "Nite & Day" by Al B. Sure!. We simply can't.

Which may be why I will never need to worry about all this baby nonsense after all.


NotWithoutMyHatand Bell said...

I much prefer "Hello" by Mr. Lionel R. because if the person your'e marrying isn't the person your'e looking for, then why would you be marrying him?
U2 "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" can fit right in there too.

Brandy For Sale. said...

I also just decided that I will request "Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend!" just because I think it will mean something special to all the veterans in attendance. WHAT.