Monday, June 19, 2006

Chafed.


According to the Post, [Angelina] Jolie tells Cooper she's inspired by the people she helps in her role as UN Goodwill Ambassador. "You think, 'Jesus, the things these people go through,' " she says. "I owe it to all of them to get myself together and stop whining about being tired and get there and get focused because, God, it's the least I can do with what they live with." --People.com


I bet other Hollywood-type actresses get really, really peeved with Angelina Jolie. I mean, really. It is VERY HARD to memorize three new pages of dialogue consisting of monosyllabic sentences the day before your shoot AND do your whole 2 hour Pilates routine in your home gym AND personally fire your 2nd personal assistant because she didn't adhere to the strict 1/4 Sweet & Low, 1/4 Spelnda, and JUST. A. DASH!!!!!! of Sugar in the Raw (and she claims she graduated magna cum laude from Penn State- HA!) in your skim-goat's milk mocha from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. And here comes THIS asshole, this nightmare spawned by that kook Jon Voight in some LSD-fuled haze, making you feel bad for just trying to do your job as an entertainer by being all altruistic and shit! Like SHE'S never been on Nutrisystem! Talk about starving. Harumph! I mean, you have kids, right? Just ask Carmelita, your nanny! AND, hey, they're kind of adopted. Well, that 11year old one is, since he's from your husband's 3rd marriage and all. And the NERVE of her, telling everyone she gives a third of her salary to charity! Well, you for one are very charitable, just last month you donated a dress you got for free from a stylist to one of those benefits for poor black women who can't do Suduko puzzles or some such thing, I don't know but it got a write up in Home & Gardens so that counts for something. And you know, some of us need to spend a third of our salary on upkeep, because those hair extensions and chin implants and labiaplasties aren't exactly handed out in Oscar goody bags, OK?!?

Angelina Jolie, I'd watch your back next time you drop into Kitson for a super cute $85 t-shirt if I was you.

6 comments:

Chelsea Vanderkeller said...

Remember that some celebrities and high profile individuals have their personal assistants sign confidentiality agreements so strict that they we are not even allowed to admit that we work for said person. So when some of these celebrities act like they are doing everything and handling everything themselves, well you really never know what goes on behind closed doors! If you get around signing a confidentiality agreement; then atleast you have the option of writing a wicked tell all!

Emily said...

OMG - I think I just swallowed my own tongue. Brandy Barber is the most excellent, sarcastic woman alive. I am not worthy.

saraisloco said...

I once put aside money for UNICEF in one of those little cardboard boxes/banks you got in school that were usually in the shape of a house or a school bus. But then George Harrison recorded that great jam "Got My Mind Set (On You)" and I took the forty cents I saved and put it towards the 45 of it. Jolie I am not.

anne altman said...

barber, lay off my labiaplasty. i saved and saved and saved for it and i think it looks nice. at least i don't step on 'em anymore.

2na said...

has anyone been on cnn.com today - just don't. IT says Refugee DAY all bc of Jolie's interview... grossness called America.. no really I love America but sometimes yes can see why people hate us. Oh come on everyone Angelina is doing it... try actually giving a shit about something and doing it then without Angelina. A-holes! Sorry, was that too much?

Max Tesatora said...

Labiaplasties!? Did you make that up? The crowning jewel of your too-close-to-home rant. I mean, shouldn't we all be donating 1/3 of our salaries to higher causes, no matter what the income level?