"Let's go get drunk and rip off a 10 speed."

I wish I had a Foreigner belt.

Today I cooked and ate a Tyson pre-seasoned chicken. After thinking it smelled kind of like ammonia, as I was chomping on a piece, I ventured a peek at the container, which had a sell by date of December 2nd. A hasty Google search informed me that I most likely have gotten myself a crack case of food poisoning, and will be vomiting soon. By the time you read this, it's highly likely I will have shat myself. To this end I ate half a bag of mini Hershey's Kisses and a piece of vegetable pizza, and washed it down with god's nectar, a can of Dr. Pepper. Always a can, NEVER a bottle. Because at least I want to live it up now if I'm faced with days and days of soup and flat 7Up.

Now off to re-watch MC Pee Pants, and then finish the much overdue cleaning of the kitchen.

***GHOST UPDATE***
It hath returned!!!

The Ghost was not making itself evident from a couple of days before Thanksgiving until yesterday evening. Before this dramatic entrance, the Ghost had me genuinely concerned. Not only was there ample toilet paper, but there were no noxious smoke fumes coated in Vanilla Horizons .99 cent store ozone-propelled air freshener from 1977.
The real trauma occurred when my landlord cornered me and tried to insist I pay her rent. Even though she's paid her own rent for the past 8 months. I politely said, no way. And that I didn't know her too well, and I had no idea where she was but I'd email her. And then I suggested that if she had pulled a runner that he go ahead and use her one month's deposit as that was the point, was it not? This seemed to stun him into silence allowing me to escape to the diner for a cheeseburger.

Well, last night, I heard the telltale rustling and then the door opened. It was alive!!!!!!! However, you'll be surprised to hear that the Ghost was acting up! In fact, she VENTURED DOWN THE HALL INTO THE KITCHEN! Side note: the kitchen is filthy because I didn't feel like getting off my ass and doing dishes last week, because loading the dishwasher is soooooo hard. So it looks like a battleground, with pots and pans all askew, and I also hadn't refilled the Brita filter because I'm lazy. So, she came out of her cave in search of Brita water vs. bathroom faucet water I guess, and was somewhat rightfully appalled. And then, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT- she came into the doorway that leads into the living room. She surveyed the space, which is full of stuff I am in the process of donating/dragging out to the curb/cardboard boxes the cat has chewed. And then she saw me on the couch watching my Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD. I saw her peripherally, but I didn't turn my head to acknowledge her because it was the part where Urr jumps on the game to get more tickets. Also because I am somewhat scared of interacting with her now since she's so fucking crazy. And she sort of jumped, because I don't think she knew I was out of my room and on the couch. After a few seconds, which felt like hours she scuttled back into her room. For the next hour, there was loud door slamming, water running, and wafts of smoke and incense (someone got all new-age-uppity on my ass and ditched the canned stank). And then a VERY LOUD PHONE CALL was made about her delayed trip home from god knows where. If I was to venture a guess I'd say she sounded angry...uh oh. If, when they find my corpse, the blood vessels in my eyes are burst, you now know why.

Later...I espied in the bathroom, along with her not-touched-since-she-moved-in-Old-Lady "Setting Lotion" (what is she a flapper?!), a variety of swiped mini Canyon Ranch Spa amenities. For fuck's sake! The Ghost went to Canyon Ranch?! I wonder if she stayed in her room the whole time chain smoking there like she does here.