I wish I hadn't been so wasted that I missed the majority of last night's performances. I became the idiot that goes to the concert so they can pay to be incoherent around other people rather than listen to the band. Oh, well. I did at least manage to be alert enough to hear the live rendition of "I Want Candy!" by MC Chris. After that, there were many trips outside for fresh air, taken during the sets of people I in sobriety am sad I missed.
Todd Barry was there, I saw about the first 4 minutes of his stand up. I tried not to make direct eye contact with anyone and to blend in. This was hard as I was the tallest person there. Not just the tallest woman, that I'm used to; but the tallest person at the show, due to my wearing stiletto ankle boots which seemed like a great idea at the time. Not so much. Also, I thought it would be wise to wear a kelly green blazer that, on closer inspection, made me look unnervingly similar to Austin Powers. The glasses didn't help. Shagadelic, bay-bee! (puts barrell of gun in mouth, waves goodbye with free hand)
Based on last night's dismal performance, and the fact that I seem to have a knack for making a fool out of myself that rivals Jerry Lewis in his vagina-hating hayday, I think I'm going to have to lay off the controlled substances for a while.
The guy I had a crush on was at the party. As luck would have it, he has a girlfriend. After pouting about this information, I was mad at myself for turning the whole thing into a Lifetime movie. I seem to have fantasized that I'd show up and he'd have a corsage for me, and then we'd get voted King & Queen of the winter ball, and take a snow white limo to the Denny's where I could have the breakfast omelette of my choice. And maybe, since I knew in my heart he was the one, there would be finger banging. However, back here in adult land, this was not meant to be the outcome. In hindsight I guess it's OK because I was too wasted to even communicate, much less eat an omelette! I mean, guy*!
*substitute word for "god" that my childhood best friends were forced to say to avoid being beaten for blasphemy by their 6'6" ex-prison guard father
2 comments:
I am happy to report that I was with Brandy at the show. Let me make this clear: she is waaaay prettier than the cunty girlfriend of her alleged crush. Bran on a high note - I think the blazer looked nice and if I were a 6'5 comedy nerd, I would have approached you. (insert universal sign for eating out here)
Now beat it creeps!
That night all of the sudden becomes much more interesting . . . a secret crush? How mysterious . . . and the girlfriend, just his way of playing hard to get I am sure.
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