Does anyone recall the episode of "Absolutely Fabulous" where Edina falls into an open grave at a fueneral because she's so shit-faced? Me, too, because I think I've transformed into her. You see, after inhaling various beverages of the adult variety at our Holiday Hi-Jinx party this past Saturday night, I managed to become the butt of my own smart-ass joke (which was the grand olde idea of hurling a stack of free postcards at Sara & Brad on the stairwell). I chucked the cards into the air creating a nice shower of confetti, I hollered "Hey assholes" and then I think I slipped on one of them and FELL DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS ON MY FUCKING FACE. Please see the results. You can't see the swollen split lip, but I look very Meg Ryan-collegen injection.
Yes. Yes, it did hurt. Yes, it still does hurt, especially to smile. And yes, I am fine- thanks everyone for calling to check in on me. I'll spare you any photos of the bruises on the rest of my body. They are also really quite spectacular.
On the train a lady was staring so I said really loudly, "This is what happens when I talk back" and she looked away.
Porter warned me about how I I tend to get destructive & violent when I drink, and I said "Hogwash!" Ok, I didn't, it was more like something involving the f-bomb and perhaps I flipped him off. But I sure wish I did. Anyway, he was right. Oh Porter! You sage!
This is just further proof that I, like Missy Elliott says, am sophisticated fun.
In closing, I'd like to say: WHAT AN ASSHOLE I AM. LOOK AT ME! I'M A DUMB DRUNK WHO FELL DOWN THE STAIRS ON MY FACE! JESUS H. CHRIST ON A BIKE!!!!!
5 comments:
oh my God and here I thought it was not this real... Brandy!! laughing with not at.
Yes Bran, laughing with NEVER at.
It went a little something a like this:
Brandy: HEY ASSHOLES (chucks stack of postcards at Sara and Brad who are innocently smiling. Then takes a spill and slides down the entire staircase on her face while Mike runs behind her. It happens so fast no one can stop her)
Brad: (After Brandy jumps up and shakes it off and announces she wants to go) That was awesome.
Oh and I'm no better. I slid across the dancefloor on my knee and then Ang threatened to punch anyone who laughed at me. Good friends!
i looked around... in a circle with finger pointing and said no one laughs at my friends and if you do I will punch you... then i threw myself down and said see she was just kidding it wasn't real...
Ang that was AWESOME!
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