DO AS I SAY.

I found out about Dri on Crossfade, the blog generated for Download.com (which is a leg of the ever helpful CNet.com). I really love this blog, I found out about so much great new music here and I am super devoted to it. Anyway iTunes & Amazon are funally carrying Dri's amzing album Smoke Rings as a full download so, I think you should check it out. Well worth it- only 8 bucks on iTunes right now.

This song should be enough inspiration as to why. It is and has been, my theme tune for the past few months.

Bye!

Just add milk...but never after midnight!

As you may well be aware, I was kind of obsessed for a while with the film Gremlins as a child. I mean, who wasn't? It was second only to Ghostbusters at the box office when it opened. It even had its own cereal (which, I might add, was really tasty and was similar to Cap'n Crunch). Plus, you can see Robby the Robot and Steven Spielberg in cameos in it. And a tiny Corey Feldman, pre- meth.

I liked it so much, I even cribbed Phoebe Cates's very black comedy monologue from it for one of my own films. Feel free to compare them below, and let me know what you think:

Oh, you shouldn't have!

No, REALLY. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE, in fact. What a nightmare orgy of consumerist crap this country has spun itself into. Sheesh:

Summer Heights High: WATCH THIS NOW.

I really cannot say enough how impressed I am with this show. If you have HBO or access to HBO OnDemand at someone else's house, you really need to do yourself the favor of sitting down to watch it. It's an amazing Australian comedy series that HBO acquired and is currently airing.

It's that good. Take my word - Chris Lilley is a genius and you'll be hearing a lot about him very, very soon. In this show, he plays the three main characters, all of whom are subtly costumed but so amazingly spot on you won't realize that you're watching a 35 year old man play a 16 spoiled private school diva. Or a troubled Tongan teenager who loves breakdancing. Or a racist, small minded drama teacher.

Head on over to HBO and take a gander at Summer Heights High.

Chihuahua Fatwah, Part III: South Central Chihuahua!

Compliments of The Soup, which makes me glad to be alive on a weekly basis.

"And you know how the blacks love to tap dance!"

I thought everyone was kidding about this Joe The Plumber crackpot, who popped up so much in the most recent presidential election debates...it seemed so obvious that the guy was lured to interject his lame ass into a press conference by some McCain/Republican party flack. I was about to advocate that we all just utilize the "Ignore it and it will go away" tactic I've advised be applied to the Hilton sisters (with mild success, I might add), until I read this NY Times article, quoted below:

Mr. Wurzelbacher told Ms. Couric that his encounter with Mr. Obama was a matter of impulse.
“Neighbors were outside asking him questions, and I didn’t think they were asking him tough enough questions,” he said.

He went on, “You know, I’ve always wanted to ask one of these guys a question and really corner them and get them to answer a question,” he said, “for once instead of tap dancing around it. And unfortunately I asked the question, but I still got a tap dance.”

He added, “Almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr.”

I mean...did that just happen?!? Am I the only one who read that?!? More importantly, this moron's grousing about how he's eventually going to make enough to be taxed (supposedly), and that he doesn't want to help out others since he worked so hard for his money and that would be "socialist" to pay more taxes, in order to make sure everyone in the United States is taken care of, not just the privilidged...wow. Racist, selfish and stupid, all in one fell swoop? Amazing. It takes a country as great as ours to spit out ninnies like this.

I need a Scotch.

Chihuahua Fatwah, Part II: The End Is Nigh!

You know when you see an old man with creepy eyes- the kind with those sort of milk white, opaque corneas- and he's lurching about on the F train, clad in some sort of dun-colored garment, decrying the end of the world as we all know it? And you sort of snicker, and turn up your iPod, and shove your nose further into the copy of The New Yorker you're half-reading, half using as a sort of mace to poke the person sitting next to you who keeps moving too close for comfort?

Well, sad to say it, but it would seem, based on this past week's box office #1 hit, that that old cuckoo man was right. Because there can be no other explanation for a film featuring dogs with CG animated mouths and slightly xenophobic attitudes being a smash hit in a country where literacy is a given. Kiss your sweet ass goodbye, because the end of Western "civilization" is clearly nigh.

(stats via BoxOffice Mojo)

Midrange Shopper

If I decide I want to purchase the now on sale Headless Animated Lifesize Headless Corpse Bride- and I'm not saying I'm for sure going to but, hypothetically- if I was to procure said beheaded newlywed, and position her directly at my desk at work, complete with her "...Animatronic decor accent" rolled up to top volume for 8 hours a day, Monday thru Friday, who's to stop me?

I mean really, who? Oh yeah?! YOU AND WHAT ARMY, JACKASS?!?












This product review below made my day, by the way. I have to say, it seems a bit harsh in spots. I mean, if your trachea was severed, there's gonna be some crushing so, let's not nitpick over vocal clarity, shall we?

Sometimes, I too seem very sad and would like "to maked you feel sorry" for me. Me and this robotic goth gal could have a few Ice brews and bitch it out about dudes in a big old way, huh? I mean...can she drink? Maybe I could pour it over the general neck wound? On second thought, better pass on those beers. Sorry, Morticia.

Got A Firm But Hard For You.

I know everyone who reads this blog (my Mom) is plenty sick of me squalling about what I think is funny, and what I think deserves attention from you, the comedy viewer blah blah blah. But honestly, I refuse to feel bad for consistently plugging the magic that is Tim and Eric, Awesome Show Great Job! to the cyber universe. It's the first show I've felt this selfish about, which is silly but so true.

I haven't gotten this preachy and amped up about things that WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH GODDAMMIT since I saw Garth Merenghi at 2 am when I had insomnia and it was on the Sci Fi Channel, or when my pal Carla Rhodes showed me a bootleg of Look Around You at her birthday party, or when I somehow caught a marathon of Spaced on BBC America (minus the last episode, which it took me 2 years to get to see finally)...all of these comedy obsessions happened a fair time ago, and then, there was pretty much nothing new that really floored me for a while. Then, when I was really sick with a fever and flipping thru the channels aimlessly, I stumbled upon Tim & Eric in the middle of Season One and became mildly (OK incredibly) obsessed. It makes me feel like I did when I first saw The State, amazed and like someone was acting out inside jokes that weren't inside at all but had that kind of intimacy.

Look, how often does a show make fun of mediocrity, media pretentiousness, blind consumerism, and of the daily awkwardness present in all human interaction- plus feature occasional fart gags- all in one fell swoop?! Tim & Eric is like a Looney Toon mated with an 80's public access talent show, broadcast straight from hell and with a 70s AM Gold soundtrack. Which suits me just fine.

If you haven't watched it STILL, then go to iTunes and pick up Seasons 2 & 3. You can also buy the Season 1 DVD, which I find to be a huge hit at all weekend away gatherings, seriously (it was a smash at the Ithaca Nuptials last weekend, for example). It gets a reaction out of pretty much everyone, which is more than I can say for Ghostbusters 2.

The finale for Season 3 of TAEASGJ is on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network tonight 12:30 AM. I think you should make the time to watch it, because I promise you, you will want to say you saw this show way back when years from now. These guys- and the people they work, shoot and write with- are really the future of American comedy for people who truly love it. I, for one, am so glad to for that, and I look forward to whatever they produce from here on out. Great job!

Jar Full of Roaches: Candid Snap

Jar Full of Roaches Promo
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

Enjoy this snap from Anya Garrett...delightful! This was from our postcard photoshoot. Postcard, you say? That's right, postcards for our all new sketch show! Details to follow, suckers!

Brandy & Sara in:

JAR FULL OF ROACHES

Directed by Oren Brimer

Tuesdays @ 9:30 PM thru October 2008
The P.I.T. 154 W. 29th Street $5
Tix: www.thepit-nyc.com

Comedy duo Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco present an all new sketch show, directed by Oren Brimer. Some simp may have said that life is just a bowl full of cherries, but Brandy & Sara think it's more like a jar full of roaches. Will there be demented work out videos? Seething hostility expressed thru offers of kindness? Screeching? You betcha. And one lucky guest will win his or her very own Jar Full Of Roaches at each and every show.

We need a little Xmas, right this very minute...

So summer was like, 10 minutes long, am I right? IS THIS THING ON?!? I'm all a-wiggly to head up to gorgeous Ithaca for the wedding of two friends this weekend. I remember looking at this event as the amazing cap off of the summer and now, here it finally is!

It was nice and fall-like, very chilly today (which may be due to our overstimulated central air in the office but I digress) and I got that familiar rush I do at this time of the year. It's one of unmitigated glee of realizing my FAVORITE season has arrived. I love the fall and winter, love all the holidays and celebrating and gorging. I just got a stomach dip of excitement when I realized there would be honest to god snow soon!!! Mostly I am thrilled to go back to California and see my family. All of the sudden visions of aging basset hounds and deep fried turkey and my Dad's artillery punch are dancing in my head.

Yay to sleet and snow and hail and puddles! Yay to sweaters and scarves and coats and down comforters! yay to tights and cardigans and snow boots! Yay to getting drunk with all the other orphans on Thanksgiving in Williamsburg and having an impromptu scarf-wrapped-on-your-head-like-a-burka dance jam to Soulja Boy! Most of all yay to me maybe molesting someone (or multiple people) under the mistletoe at my annual, poorly planned and shoddily exectuted holiday BROOKLYN FRIENDSHIPS (TM) party! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!! WHAT I LIKE!!! LOOK AT ME SOME MORE!

Want That One!

I may have to get HBO just to see all six episodes of Little Britain USA. If you haven't caught the original Little Britain in re-runs on BBC America before, go out now and get the DVDs, because you're really going to be pleased with them. And if not then you're an ass.

Signed,

the Comedy Snob.

Baffled, Perplexed and Peeved.

May I ask you a question? How is it that, in the past two months, I have had two separate experiences with two very different men who have made very surprising passes at me (let's just say they weren't simply being "friendly" and leave it at that), and whom I come to find out, AFTER THE FACT, have girlfriends? Is there a sign taped to my back that says "IF YOU ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP PLEASE PLANT ONE ON ME"? Because if so could someone please alert me to this in the future? Thunks.

When did I become the "Other Woman"? I am no vixen! I'm your pal. You know- that girl who likes the original 3 Star Wars flicks and NHL games and lots and lots of Miller High Life. The Other Woman is always mani/pedicured, uses things like hair spray and cold cream, and cares about shit like The Hills. She thinks most anything fun is "icky" and prances around in kitten heels in a perpetual cloud of some thick, floral perfume. I have my lady-like moments, but being a femme fatale is not something I perceive myself to be...and certainly not a vampy home wrecker.

I don't get it. But I do know this. It makes me really dislike boys and the idea of dating one seriously. I mean, this is how guy friends of MINE are acting to ME! Their so-called "friend"! May sound sexist but, sorry. That's where I'm at.

Let Me Go.

I loved this song so much when I was little. It brings back memories of listening to bad AM radio broadcast out of Tijuana on a tiny pink & purple transistor radio my folks game me for Christmas, rollerskating in the cul-de-sac, playing dress up in the front yard with all my girlfriends, slicking on bubble gum Bonne Bell Lipsmacker, the ever-present California smell of fresh moved green grass enveloping all those lazy days. It's also clearly a song that was obviously responsible for the gestation of what would prove to be my lifelong obsession with all things British. A happy memory all around, really.

The last time I was in love with someone, I remember lying in the dark in his bedroom, listening to his music. This song came on randomly, and I felt such a visceral connection to it and to him. I felt like I was going to cry, but because I was happy. I was so overwhelemed by the purity of the moment- of something so dear from my past merging seamlessly with something so loaded and delicate and lovely that was pregnant with promise. I stared at him in the dark and thought to myself, this is meant to be. This is magic. Being in love is magic.

And then we broke up and I realized it's all a bunch of fucking lies and bullshit and exhausting theatrics and blah, blah, blah. But this song is still savage. Enjoy Let Me Go by Heaven 17.

Sometimes, the answer is just no.

I had a birthday this week, and with it came the usual ruminations on life and its various trials and tribulations. I decided to throw myself a party where I gave out complimentary drink tickets and spent a ton on food and drinks and handmade invitations, because I think more and more that I am not going to get married. Well, let me rephrase that, I don't plan on a silly "traditional" (whatever THAT means) mnarriage cermemony for my wedding, if I have one at all. They simply do not appeal to me.

As we sat out on her deck and ate supper the other night, Sara Jo asked me what my favorite wedding was that I had ever been to and I was stumped. I mean, I loved seeing the people who I was close to being happy so there were no losers in the bunch, per se. But I wasn't totally thrilled with any of them either. The last wedding I went to had an alcohol cut off so that dampened the fun significantly, obviously. I guess I feel that weddings tend to turn into "grown up proms" and that the wrong things get focused on. It becomes about showing off to people, submitting yourself to judgment, doing what everyone else thinks is right, demanding useless presents, and just being a stupid consumer and feeding into the corporate machine. Do you really mean to tell me that because you spent $30,000 on a cookie cutter church ceremony that that means the commitment you have with your partner is that much more superior? I don't buy it, literally. All those ideals were fed to you by an industry that profits from you acting like a money squandering loon hellbent on buying romance, happiness and status. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that to me seems to contain nothing remotely close to celebrating love.

Sara Jo wanted to discuss a book she'd read some quotes from, I Don't: A Contrarian View On Marriage, by Susan Squire. She was appalled by the what she had found out, which was that the true symbolism of giving away the bride by her father was not at all kind, sweet, touching or cute, but in fact signified nothing less than property being passed between two men (IE, dowry). Myself being the angry feminist cynic, I was in the know. But I think often women, even the smartest of us, don't question why these things happen and continue to give them power by not doing so. For example, why diamond rings? Why not something else? How did that come to pass? This excellent column from Nerve.com by Ken Mondschein may really upset some people. Good. I hope so. You should be upset, because everyone should know that newly purchased diamonds are clearly for dimwits.

Back to the beginning: I was glad to throw that kind of shindig for my party, I like being generous. Why wait around for a wedding to celebrate how much you love the people in your life? Why wait to force them to stare at you in some overpriced silly dress for hours on end like it's some sort of miracle that you put on a bunch of satin? Seems lame. Now, getting them all drunk, stuffed full of food and making them dance up a storm, THAT is what appeals to me. So if I ever do decide to commit, that's what I think I'd like to focus on. Not on me, or how much cash I can shit out, or how fakey sicky sweet I can appear during the "Daddy Daughter dance" (bleech), and so on and so forth. None of that.

Now, this line of relationship thinking also inevitably leads to me wondering about kids. This is the first year I have been really unsure about them. I do like kids, I think I want to have one....I think? Then I read how some poor girl was sexually assaulted by a nut job and am convinced I do not want to bring another human into the world for fear they'd have to deal with that or worse yet, that they'd do that. I would have the serial killer kid that murdered the class gerbil, just my luck!

So this was all rattling around in my mostly empty head this morning as I was getting dressed for work, half-heartedly listening to the radio. Then I heard a really compelling guest discussing his new book on the Brian Leherer show (an AM NPR fave). The book is called The Dominant Animal: Human Evolution and the Environment. Its co-author, Stanford professor Paul Ehrlich, was talking about a prospect that truly fascinates me, population control. All of the sudden I started to focus less on the fact that I'm not sure about kids yet and instead on the fact that we're (meaning specifically the Western world for this instance) ruining the earth with the selfish need to procreate...because it is, when you really look at it, selfish. People AGAIN don't think, they just do and too often, to boot as the population numbers soar. I understand if you've ALWAYS wanted kids, I guess...but can't you just adopt? People who whine that it's not the same, to me, seem like they're treating children like one more possession by saying that parenting is fundamentally invalid unless the child is but another product to be-yep-consumed. Freaks me out. All of this. This is why I drink so much. Anyways, now I feel guilty about having kids at all. Maybe I should just adopt one of my friend's kids and be the batty old aunt that sends them ridiculously expensive gifts that their folks would never dream of spoiling them with? I'm cool with it. After all, it takes a village to raise a child. I can be the part of the village that doesn't have to put up with being shit on , yelled at, or woken up at 3 am by cops dragging my drunk offspring home from getting caught dry humping on a park bench. I like the sound of that.

Lastly, I just saw this really interesting essay via my beloved Jezebel about a 24 year old woman opting, without apology, for a new form of sterilization. The whole piece- and ensuing comments- is/are quite thought provoking. And this, in conjunction with the aforementioned book have me really pondering away. Hopefully if you're reading this yammering, so are you.

Or not. You could ignore this, say I'm full of it, that you're having your Catholic wedding and your 2.5 kids (allowing for miscarriage there) and that I'm a crackpot. Your choice.

But at least I feel like I'm MAKING one, or thinking about making one...instead of letting one be made for me.

Stealing Brandy's Camera

Stealing Brandy's Camera
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

Thanks to Anya for this adorable mosaic!

Twins.

I wonder why girls get pregnant so young these days? Hmmm....it's a mystery I guess!



Worse yet, this is from 1983. Eeeeek.

Speaking of animated canines...

I, from as long as I can recall, was OBSESSED with boys and making out with them. I was never, ever one of those girls that thought kissing was "gross" or "yucky". I always, ALWAYS was so fascinated with it and in search of it. If you know adult me you will also know, not much has changed. Ok, let's put it more frankly: ain't a damn thing changed.

Anyway I remember being so obsessed with wanting to kiss a boy while this song was playing. Other 1980 make out music musts for the then 6 year old Brandy? Don't mind if I do!

Don't Walk Away, ELO- from Xanadu:



Tonight's The Night, Rod Stewart:



Kiss You All Over, Exile:





Annnnnd, gross.

Chihuahua Fatwah.

I grimly accept my task...to murder those responsible for this. Death to the Hollywood infidels!

I'd Rather Be A Fool.

I fucking LOVE E.G. Daily and I demand that someone re-make this dress in time for my upcoming birthday. If you haven't seen this movie, we can't be friends. Sorry.

Switch It Up!

Oh no- it's my pleasure!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I just needed to "SWITCH IT UP!". Just like David Silver!

Almost immediately, I felt sorry.

This teaser trailer about made me keel over in my chair. Mostly because, I am going to see Liz Phair sing Exile In Guysville tomorrow night, and I keep almost crying when I think about it. Which is so lame. But this, this album in particular, is my mecca, you know? I watch this and I see Liz Phair and Urge Overkill and all of a sudden I'm in my dorm room at Long Beach State, in black matte Docs and fishnets and my dad's jeans I made into baggy cut offs, throwing a flannel over my Beastie Boys concert t-shirt and getting ready to go to the Fabulous Foothill Tavern to see Guttermouth and the Lunachicks, cradling a 40 of Mickey's in the crook of one arm and a Rentals CD in the other, and wishing this guy I was in love, love, love with named J.T. Costa would call me but figuring he wouldn't because he was on acid at the Luscious Jackson show in Santa Barbara.

This was back when the Polaroids that make up the creepy, sexy liner of Exile In Guysville still existed...back when cell phones were only for use inside cars, and everyone had land lines and answering machines with special codes you dialed in to check your messages. Fairly pre-internet, unless you were a huge nerd- so, not so much with the email and the IM and the texting. People had pagers. You could still smoke everywhere, all the time. I'm going to stop now. The point of this is to say:

I forgive you, you awesome crazy broad. I forgive you.

Also, I just found out that the Foothill closed and that made me start to cry. I saw so many awesome bands there. I remember going to see that dog. there and being so drunk I don't even know how I got home. Good times.

No, THUNKS.

I don't appreciate being followed around and filmed for the purposes of a god-damned video. My life is PRIVATE thanks very much, down to flaunting my oft mentioned true life dream of having myself animated by Don Bluth (who did the sequence in the film Xanadu that I wish I had not seen because I think that's when, right then and there, that I was ruined for life). How RUDE.

Oh wait...this video isn't starring me? It's just an alarming approximation of my life at the present? Oh. Well.

Awkward.

Enjoy the Scissor Sister's Mary. And try not to make eye contact with me for a day or two. K, thanks.

It has been a shitty week.

In the past week:

I acted like a drunk idiot and did something I regret incredibly. Let me rephrase that, I acted like a drunk 22 year old idiot, and did something I regret incredibly. So much the worse for me.

Some nimrod at my office came to my desk and informed me, since we seem to be having some sort of summer cleaning initiative, that she "loved" my "creativity" but that I was going to have to remove certain things from my desk area. Such as my pristine condition, 1980 bright yellow Animalympics lunchbox. Keep in mind it is strategically placed so I don't have to be on display the entire day to everyone who passes by my desk. Sometimes, we all want a little respite from small talk so we can focus and get things done, am I right? I know I am. When this fellow employee said this to me, I wanted to reply with so many cuss types of things to her condescending peaked little rat face. Instead I stared at her for a long time, then went back to looking at my screen and just sighed loudly, and she scampered off to ruin someone else's day. I know it's just her job, but something about it chapped my hide. It was such a "junior high cheerleader speaking down to an audio visual nerd" moment and I was really not in need of it at that particular time.

Speaking of work, because I know everyone wants to know more about mine, my computer died and all my hard drive stuff seems to be lost. Including my work iTunes. Bleeech. All my Girl Talk mp3s, all gone, poof! Not insurmountable but not ideal.

On a recent Friday night visit to Long Island City, I had a moment of sadness when I realized my nastiness had come back to bite me in the ass, and did so in a public fashion. While I stand by my opinions, I also had the fact that when you say mean things even if they are true and done in an effort to protect people you care for, the results are not always pretty. It's not fun having morals and expecting others to, especially when they then turn around and undermine you. The people I think I care the most about seem, especially in this last year, to disappoint me the most.

To top it all off, I found out an old friend of mine had passed away about a week ago, and I'd been so wrapped up in my own stupid little egocentric baloney I didn't know.

There's more, but it's so stupid I can't even write about it on this, this being potentially the world's most self-absorbed blog. Yeah, it's stuff that's THAT stupid.

Instead of pouting and moping and feeling bad all day again today, I decided to do something about it. My friend Sean had mentioned a website to me called Kiva, where you could make micro loans to individuals in developing nations. I went, picked two people whose loan requests I liked, and with the click of a button, felt instantly better. Like I was doing something of value. Instead of sitting around whinging, wasting time, which some people who I really cared about and admired, don't have the luxury of doing anymore.

You should check out KIVA.org today. With a loan of just $25, you can change lives.

Thinking of a master plan...nah.

Someone likes herself this video, which will surely keep American Apparel's pornographic swimwear line flying off the shelves, thereby bolstering the recent court woes of its Grand poo-bah pervert, Dov Charney.

Why does everyone hate so much on American Apparel ads, BTW? For the record, I like how not every woman in them is a white super skinny blonde, and that they even show their subject's pores, bruises, scars and even cellulite. You know, how real human females look when half-dressed-- not airbrushed plastic-filled freaks with hair color that's not bleached to shit? I, for one, dig it.

Mezmerized and horrified and delighted.

Blackwell, by Adela Leibowitz, 2007

www.hpgrpgallery.com

I mean...this sums it up, for me. This right here. So creepy and enchanting and upsetting. I am going to stare at this for the next few hours and feel unsettled. And now you can, too.

And the companion...

Thanks Crespo!

My First (and last) Kiss.

I'd say Sara & I had our last dance last night, but a more appropriate description would bethat we had our last sweaty, creepy grind with a guy in a leather cord necklace to Next's hit Too Close. My love and thanks to everyone who came, and to those who didn't, YOU BLEW IT.

Thanks to the amazing cast of this series of videos, and to the wizardry of Carol Hartsell. Here's her very sweet description:

For two years Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco have produced a comedy show that will live on in our memories as a hilarious night of too many drinks, copious make-out sessions, and great comedians. These videos bring together many of The Kissing Booths friends and regulars to say a final goodbye.

Featuring: Becky Ciletti, Emily Epstein, Vince Averill, Matt Sears, Oren Brimer, Neil Charles, Matt McCarthy, Glennis McMurray, Giulia Rozzi, Michael Terry, Carolyn Castiglia, Dan Allen, Eliza Skinner, Anne Altman, Jenny Rubin, Ann Carr, Katina Corrao, Jon Friedman, Michele Colyn, Eliot Glazer, Nathan Kloke, Jiwon Lee, Rob Gordon, Anthony Devito, Carrie Faverty and Jay Bois

Directed and Edited by Carol Hartsell

Produced by Drink at Work and The Kissing Booth

Based on characters created and lived by Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco

And here's the companion- thanks Crespo!
http://video.televisionwithoutpity.com/player/?id=262078

The Kissing Booth: FINAL SHOW!

The Kissing Booth was a monthly comedy
showcase hosted by duo Brandy & Sara from June 2006 to June 2008. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more were seen from from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacularly drunken finale. After the show, there was a FREE late nite dance party - with cheap booze all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!


The Kissing Booth presents: THE FINAL SHOW (a.k.a., We're Sorry)!

WHERE: The Tank
WHEN: Thursday June 12th, 2008
Cocktail hour & reception from 7 - 8 PM with FREE PUNCH!
Final Show from 8 - 9:30 PM
Final After Party from 9:45ish to ?
COST: ABSOLUTELY FREE!
$3 Bud Light available all night, $4 wine, FREE PUNCH 'til the cooler runs dry!

Brandy & Sara are finally at the two year anniversary of their show! That’s right, two solid years of nonsense, hi-jinx, lewd talk and overall drunken bumbling is nigh. After some careful consideration, the gals have decided to take a hiatus to focus on other comedy projects together. So, much like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, they're leaping right the fuck off a cliff together (or running out with guns drawn to certain death, either/or) and getting out while the getting's good.

Come down to the final installment of what some people called their favorite show in New York (thanks Aubrey Tennant), some people called drunken karaoke rebranded as "comedy" and some people actually thought was a fucking monthly, operational Kissing Booth (those people were clearly retarded).

We'll have a lot of sentimental bullshit, and also some performances from:

Jamie Kilstein!

Eliot Glazer!

Matt & Katina!

Jay Bois!

Matt Ruby!

…and more, TBA!

PLUS: Photos taken by NATHAN KLOKE (www.nathankloke.com) and ANYA GARRETT (www.anyagarrett.com) and maybe even a final, tear-stained DRUNKEN SHITTY KARAOKE FINALE!!! Be there one last time or regret it forever!

www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc
www.thetanknyc.org

Cats & Chopsticks.

This is special for so many reasons:



Quietly charming with a worldly flair:



Different, but equally awesome:

Comedy Brilliance Round Up.

Haven't had a chance to post these fine snaps of me getting to meet some of my biggest comedy inspirations. So here they are, really really late.

OK, Bye.

Not So Much In Touch.

[Click on image to enlarge]

I love how this yellow-encircled snippet queries whether Mary Kate Olsen has a drinking problem, and then goes on to describe what tends to be my typical Tuesday night.

Oh well.

**Insert Gun Shots and Air Horn Sound Effects Here**

I went with my gal pal Joselyn to see M.I.A. at McCarren Park Pool last Friday. The show was dope, and I wish I hadn't gotten so awfully wasted because it's all a pleasant, neon blur to me now. But it seems I took some pictures...and then later when sober, I stole some pictures. Photo credits noted.

What an amazing show, though. All you M.I.A. haters fuck off, she is amazing and her live shows have been an absolute treat. Not so much so for the lame afterparty we trekked to Studio B for which I have to say, made me want to scratch my eyes out. Yuck.

The title of this blog is a quote from Jos used when describing what happened every ten seconds at the concert. Lots and lots of sound effects, which I liked but had I not been plastered I probably would have hit the ground and started praying.




















Flyers- Jos swiped a bunch for us. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]




















Kisses & fun at the show for these two drunk ladies. Thanks, Turkey's Nest!















When the sun wast setting, thus the light show didst begin.















Palm tree up close. These looked amazing! [Photo by Bao Nguyen]
















More blurry stage shots from the back, where we were drunkenly scampering.














Lights and more lights. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]




















Best outfit of all time- M.I.A. and one of her great back up gals. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]





















Waiting so, soooooooo long for the G we sobered up. Kinda.

My friends are amazing.

Sometimes I am just awestruck that I know some of the people I do. They make me laugh until I cry when I get to see them onstage or in videos, on TV, and so on. And the best part is I get to go out and get wrecked with them, too. Sometimes I even get to perform with them! Man oh man have I got it good. Yes, I am a braggart ass face.

Case in point: I watched my friends Livia & Biz's above video today and seriously freaked the fuck out. These two scamps have set the bar so high. I am full of interest and delight and fascination for this project. Hail Dirty Jeans & Thunderchief!

July 2008.

My birthday's coming up and look what popped up on Google today when I was answering an email from Sara! Thanks for your sensitive, thoughtful banner ads, Google! We ALL win!!!

[Click on image to enlarge, fools]

Spaghetti & Meatballs.

This clip pretty much sums up all there is to me to be said about relationships and romance. Yep. That's about it in my experience.

Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job is back with season 3 July 30th, 2008 on Adult Swim. Watch it, you ass.

One To Vomit On.

My friend Ann Carr sent me this and it made me mostly sad, then somewhat angry then I just sighed and shook my head. Then I went and had a large hazelnut iced coffee and considered how much I hate other people. Not just men, other people- because there are lots and lots of female producers on these fucking shows, too.

What a bunch of bullshit. Cut to me today, on the F train to work, reading in my new print obsession, New York Magazine, about this shrill opportunistic money-grubbung shrew who has the audacity to compare her shit show plays to Eugene O'Neill and makes YouTube videos whining about how she won't get any money from her sickening sham of a "marriage". Then again, that old fool married her. I can't seem to get so much as groped by someone with a full set of clean teeth and this dumb broad is getting millions thrown at her to not have sex and get to buy shoes and shit all the time?!? Can someone make this make sense to me please? Because there is not enough iced hazelnut coffee in this world to do so right now methinks.

This world makes me annoyed. Paaaayyycce.

Songs What I Forgot: Right Here (Human Nature Remix), S.W.V.

Damn, that's my equestrian jaaaaaam. This song still rules and if I still had a tape player, I'd be listening to it on CASSINGLE. Remember cassingles?! No? Well, Grandma B. sure does.

Get MORTIFIED Tonight!

Hey all, come on down tonight to see me, that's right, ME, get totally MORTIFIED!

Mortified!

A comic excavation of teen angst artifacts as shared by their original authors before total strangers.

Comix
53 W 14th St New York, NY 10014
8 PM

ADVANCE TICKETS - $15
DAY OF SHOW TICKETS - $20

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is co-produced in New York by Brandy Barber & Anne Altman.

*** Two-item minimum per person in the showroom.

Please click here for tickets!

Mini-Vacation Movie/Sean Crespo Has No Prior Knowledge.

If you care to do so, click on this fun video to see our pal Sean's TWOP vlog, which is both a commentary on VH1's stable of reality show trash from its Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and I Love New York starring on a new competition show called I Love Money, AND, a living document of our recent Greenport winery trip! BOO YAH!

The Day The Popping Off Died: Bad Girl's Club II is no more.

I knew it would come to and end, I just didn't realize how empty I would feel inside without my Tanisha fix. There were times I got cross with her for being unfair & unreasonable but you know what, no one is perfect and I have to say she impressed me with her growth. I want the best for her, I truly do. This second season of Oxygen's smash The Bad Girl's Club was my special treat to myself and I enjoyed the bejeezus out of it.

Why would I waste my time, you ask? Reality shows are beneath us, says you? Well, put down your pipe and that leather bound tome of yours, and take a gander at this, Einstein. I defy you to tell me this show was not fucking riveting, rollicking comedy gold afer reading this excerpted entry from Tanisha's online blog, regarding the explosive BGC2 reunion special:


It was shocking that Lyric [who left the house after only 2 weeks and a lot of crappy Rasta-esque poetry and really, really lame raps as discussed by the always amazing Jezebel- Ed.] decided to verbally attack me. I was completely thrown off because first of all I never had a problem with her mal-nourished spaghetti string, broom stick bamboo a$$.

She left the house simply because her sorry a$$ was there for all the wrong damn reasons. I mean come on now. Who the hell is going to sign someone that has the same name as the words of a song? Lyric? Yeah right Melissa! Try using your real name you hating a$$ b*tch! What I want to know is How the f*ck am I jealous of your nasty stringy scrawny dirty filthy a$$? B*tch what the hell are you doing with yourself? Besides making home videos and hitting up your local karaoke clubs and posting them on you tube? You’re a hater and that's all you will ever be Beiotch!

When your a$$ left we left on good terms. I hugged your frail a$$ and said my good-byes and that was that. I even spoke to you over the phone once after that when your pathetic worthless waste of good life a$$ called crying on the phone talking about "I should have never left man. Damn". B*tch get f*cking real!

You call yourself a queen? A role model and a star? Hahaha! The joke’s on you. You didn't last two seconds on the Bad Girls Club, the Tyra show, or the reunion. You’re just a hating a$$ trick that can't get a record deal even if you slept with half of the record execs across the U.S. You make me sick because your wack and weak and so damn fake!

You knew you had to leave the house b*tch because there could only be one captain and that was me! Your a f*cking loser flat a$$ wanna be rapper b*tch! Keep hating because I will always be big and marvelous. And you...well I suggest you go "watch a Tyra".

The only reason why I didn't drop kick your sorry a$$ was because I know how the LAPD gets down in LA. Thank the heavens you good for nothing smut! **On another note it was cool seeing some of the old camera crews. I think that was the best part of all. To the bouncer who held me back: Lyric owes you her sorry a$$ life!**

Whoooo-weeee! Lyric does, indeed, need to fall back like "whoa"! I cackled like a plump, hateful hen throughout this reunion special and it left me wanting oh, so much more. All I know is, I am going to ask Tanisha to be my MySpace friend and if she says no, I may have to pop off this mortal coil.

Farewell, BGC2. Enjoy this final goodbye...a touching song tribute if ever there was one.

PS When you watch Oxygen's video clips for this show, the stupid mini-ad that comes on is for canker sores...say no more.

Scenic Greenport.

Had an amazing weekend away. I so rarely leave the city as, to me, being in New York is like one big crazy circus-vacation-dance party. But it's nearing (GASP!) 9 years that I've lived here and after an idyllic visit on the Island last summer courtesy of my friend Kloke (OK, OK it WAS the Hamptons, but I always felt creepy saying that out loud as if by so doing, I'd then immediately develop an Oompa-Loompa fake tan and get into an SUV and run over people) , I decided I wanted to make this summer of 2008 about escaping.















And so, after some impassioned Craig's List searching, a rental house was secured and pals were rounded up and driven/Jitney-ed/LIRR'd out for proper weekender visits. There was a hot tub, a Tiki Bar, stuffed jungle pets and a lot, and I do mean a LOT, of lighthouses. Also there was a life-sized Jar Jar Binks inflatable pool chair that really upset everyone. Too soon, Jar Jar. TOO SOON.















We went to some great wineries (I highly recommend both Castella di Borghese & Osprey's Dominion). One had an all breeds dog show taking place next to it, which was quite a sight. We drank 3-5 bottles of sparkling wine in an afternoon in a gazebo, rode bikes, watched Thank God It's Friday, Trading Places, April Fool's Day and Season One of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job, grilled farm stand veggies, switched out the 8 smart-assy statement-stamped beer cozys ("cosy" or "koozy"- someone clarify for me please) that were purchased impulsively as host gifts, ate strawberry-rhubarb pie and bacon for breakfast, and attempted to play a mint copy of the NHL VHS Board Game that was found in a closet. And there were lots of naps.




































































All in all, one of the best weekends I've had in I don't know how long. Enjoy pictures (thanks for those, Alty) and feel bad for yourself that you didn't go, peasants.

Greg Gillis, I think I want to marry you.

I am so ready for summer and this weekend is the big kick off! A trip out of town is in the works and I am all a-wiggle with G-L-E-E!

This sums it all up, AND HOW!

Of A Different Feather.

My friend Carla has a cool mailing list called, Bird of the Day. You should sign up. Why? Because stuff like the excerpt below from today's mailer will come to your very own inbox every darned day. Thanks, Ms. Carla!


Contemplative Cockatoo.


















Contemplative Cockatoo works in an office all day surrounded by fellow workers that are somehow content with being locked in a windowless box and typing with their mangled carpal tunnel claws all day whilst their dreams whittle away.

Will Contemplative Cockatoo fly away and risk not having health insurance?

Or will he let his brain turn to slush and suffer the same fate full of
flat screen tvs, white picket fences, suvs and prime time television?

Too good.

The thing is, is this episode of Tim & Eric Nite Live is so uncomfortable, so honest, well-acted and so truly spot on it's blowing my mind. For anyone out there who has ever tried to produce & perform in their own comedy show, you will see yourself reflected in at least one of the people here. Let's hope it's not James Quall, however.

If you don't know who Tim & Eric are, you're really- as a comedian or a lover of comedy- doing yourself and the Unites States of America a disservice. Smart, subversive, creepy and fucking brilliant. I know I talk about them a lot on my blog and in person to any and all who will listen, but it's because seeing what they are doing is such an inspiration and I am just thrilled by it. They have a DVD out of their first season which I highly recommend. Do yourself the favor of picking it up, STAT.

And if you have some time, watch the follow up episode #12 of Nite Live which honestly...makes me just feel like I could go outside and get hit by a car and never get to live my comedy dreams because, I mean, why? How can it get better? I don't think it can. Pure genius.

Cat. Hat.

I love my cat. I don't give a fuck if you don't like it. And although I have accepted my crazy cat lady status, I have to say...it's never going to be this bad.

Thanks, WikiHow!

Hi, Pep Pep.

This is my master now. I worship thee.

The Kissing Booth: Final Three Shows Kick Off TONIGHT!

The Kissing Booth presents: Final Three Shows Kickoff!

WHERE: The Tank
WHEN: Friday April 25th, 2008
doors at 10:00 PM, show at 10:30 PM
COST: ABSOLUTELY FREE!
$3 Bud Light available all night, $4 wine

Brandy & Sara are nearing the two year anniversary of their show! That’s right, almost two years of nonsense, hi-jinx, lewd talk and overall drunken bumbling is nigh. After some careful consideration, the gals have decided to take a hiatus after they hit that mark- so come on down for the 1st of three final shows! That’s right- the countdown has begun! Come cram in some on-the-clock comedy!

With:


Brad Steuernagel!

Jay Bois!

Neil Statsny!

Rob Gordon!

Giulia Rozzi!

Videos from Oren Brimer/Pete Holmes/Matt McCarthy, Classy Comedy & Matt Ruby

…and more TBA!

Be there!


www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc

www.thetanknyc.org

Hey You Guys, I Played With The Ween!!!

I'm going to see Ween at McCarren Pool if it kills me. Also this movie makes me happy, and I do not care a fig if you say otherwise. Enjoy It's Pat!: The Movie.