The Break Up Show: Tonight!

THE BREAK UP SHOW, hosted by Kimmy Gatewood and co-produced by Brandy Barber, is sure to help you make it through even the most horrific dumping. Kimmy and her friends will share cringe-inducing, horrible and hysterical stories about breaking up. Come out and laugh through those tears. And for chrissakes, take off those sweatpants you've had on since he bailed on you. THE BREAK UP SHOW Tuesday November 7th 8 PM - $5 The P.I.T. 154 W. 29th b/t 6th & 7th Avenues with SETH HERZOG (VH1) MATT AND TRACIE HIGGINS (REAL LIFE HUSBAND AND WIFE) ALEX ZALBEN (ELEPHANT LARRY) SKYLER SULLIVAN (MIME. NO, REALLY.) KRISTER JOHNSON (GOD'S POTTERY) and featuring your lovely host, KIMMY GATEWOOD! The Break Up Show is produced by KIMMY GATEWOOD and BRANDY BARBER.

Here's some you may need in case of break up emergencies:

Party! Pizza Party!

My brother and I bought The Land Before Time after eating at Pizza Hut, back when they had VHS tape types of promos at fast food chains. The commercial that was included on said special edition tape made us howl with delight, ESPECIALLY the rocking theme song. This kind soul recorded the commerical (and for some odd reason, the first few minutes of the actual movie itself- no need to watch those). I command you to view this clip immediately. Do yourself a favor- TURN. IT. UP. [Ed. note- Porter finds the sexualization of children to be especially upsetting. I concur.]

Not to be deterred by this cornball escapade, Porter then tried to locate the commerical
for the 80's board game, PIZZA PARTY on YouTube. Apparently, it contained an incredibly annoying jingle that went along the lines of "PARTY! PIZZA PARTY!" No such luck, but we DID find a photo.











Lastly, enjoy this gem, which Porter & I discovered during our web scavengings. I'd say if you accept this date, make sure to wear simple knit garments, as that'll be easier for him to slice off of you when the murdering doth commence.

LOOKING TO HAVE A PIZZA PARTY WITH A PETITE FEMALE - 27

---

Reply to: pers-228446894@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-31, 7:56PM EST


I have a new homemade pasta sauce recipe and a dough recipe. I just don't want to make all that pizza for just me. I am a am a cook so i promise it won't be nasty. I mostly cook Italian food this is just a new recipe i havent tried yet.


I am a 27/m 5'9 170 short hair. Besides loving to cook i love to do most anything outside. I like to go out to new resturants and try diffrent kinds of food. I love to travel. I love country music.

Maybe we could meet for coffee and make sure we both aren't weirdo's and then if their is atraction we can have dinner together.

I wanted a junction, and often, there was one.

I have become excited! And do you want to know why?!? Because I have fallen in love with a new band as of today. This is always done on my part with great passion and delight and I have to rush out and tell everyone all about the new band and then make the new band an intergral part of my day to day life. Kind of like dating, except the new band hopefully won't turn out to be a drunk who has a girlfriend in another city that comes to light only after you've "dumped" him- TWICE! Nor will the new band announce with certainity, "I don't care for bread" in front of all your friends, such that they mock you with a glee that indicates this idiotic turn of phrase is certain to be chiseled onto your tombstone! And the new band will never, EVER tell a lame-ass joke about Tarzan "swinging both ways" to your Dad and brother while he's waiting to pick you up for a dinner that YOU end up paying for because he's a bit low on cash when the bill gets dropped off! The New Band, you're the dreamiest!



Here, then, is the new band. They are called The Blow. And the song that has broken my bitter, brittle little heart is called True Affection. You can download it for free at iTunes- it's the single of the week right now. I say go out and get the album, because it's all so lovely and fun and enticing and fresh.


And if my drool-saturated description isn't enough for you, read this excerpt from the fantastic review of The Blow's album Paper Television from Coke Machine Glow's Mark Abraham (worth reading the whole thing, very well written):


Lily Allen’s cute blog pop might have been neat for about five seconds, Regina Spektor might be trying to reinvent herself as a Tori Amos for the khaki set, Justin Timberlake might have dumbed down his squeaky-clean pop to a squeaky-clean message wrapped in boring retreads, the Junior Boys might put all the right pieces in all the right places, Kelis might still be bossy, a Nelly Furtado single might be spinning somewhere right this second, but fuck ‘em all -- this is my pop album of the year. And I might as well give fair warning, because, like with Taiga, Paper Televsion is the kind of album that forces me to take the hyperbulle by the horns. Let’s examine why:

Mark likes post-punk +
Mark likes house and techno +
Mark likes glitchy experimental music +
Mark likes well-developed and executed politics +
Mark likes an album with more than three or four (or two) good songs =
Mark likes whatever the hell it is the Blow is cross-hatching together with the finest nub size available.

Consider: how often do you actually get to hear something that rocks a punk aesthetic with a Prince attitude on a bedroom budget? And then, on top of that, delivers a coherent and specific political message without being polemical? Khaela Maricich and new bandmate and electronics wizard Jona Bechtolt won’t receive any plaudits for “ornate” orchestration, but the tracks here are still busier than Beyoncé’s bedroom hysterics and do something individually and collectively that I haven’t heard pop dance tracks do with conviction in a while (sorry, “Maneater”): say it with some fucking grit.

The Kissing Booth is BACK- This Saturday Nite!

The Kissing Booth presents: Baby Love!

November 4th, 2006
9:30 pm - $5 smackers
Doors open at 9 pm

The D-Lounge
101 East 15th Street at Union Square East- BASEMENT LEVEL of the DR2 Theater

$3 Miller Lights! $4 Well Shots! Full Bar For You Fancy Types!

Dance Party Begins Right When The Show Ends!

In this month's show, Brandy has a baby...but where, Sara wants to know, did it come from? Come find out and watch some dynamite comedy from:

with:

BROOKE VAN POPPELEN

ROBIN GELFENBIEN

BARON VAUGHN

LAURA MANNINO

JESSE POPP

CAROLYN CASTIGLIA

JAY BOIS

and a guest appearance from BECKY YAMAMOTO!

PLUS some other nonsense from your hosts, Brandy & Sara, what promises to be the most crazed dance party to date, super paparazzi pals Anya Garrett & Brian Van, lots of yummy candy,and Hi-Jinx Galore!

My heart is so full of love, I could just BURST.

My love and congrats to Gregory & Angela Tetaud.

Creepy Chris.

Enjoy this delightful ridiculous video from the boys of Big Flux.

"T.G.I.F. I really mean that."

My Mackenzie Astin Sex Dream: Full Circle?

When I was 12, I had an incredibly intense dream about Mackenzie Astin, then still on TV's The Facts of Life. Said intensity sprung from the fact that in this dream, we were both naked and, although details were hazy, humping was in some form involved. I seem to recall laying side by side on very white sheets with a very backlit, gauzy look to the whole thing, and he was looking very lovingly at my unclothed hip. Did I mention we were NUDE?

This was scandalous for a variety of reasons. One of which being that I had already openly declared my undying love for Mackenzie's brother, Sean, he of the sleeper teen adventure hit, The Goonies. The various snaps of him torn from the pages of "Teen Beat" and blue sticky-tacked to my walls were proof of that. My taste for dramatic, tempestuous, and taboo romantic liases started early, you can clearly see.

But more disturbing that this inter-sibling adultery was the fact that I woke up not just wanting to kiss Mackenzie Astin, as had been the case with various furious crushes from my childhood, such as Simon LeBon, Rod Stewart, Mick Jagger, Henry Thomas (from E.T.), Ricky Schroeder (when he was in The Champ), Michael Hutchence, whoever the lead boy with black hair and freckles was in The Black Stallion, that one hot blonde kid from The Bad News Bears with a bowl cut, the entire cast of S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders, and Timothy Dalton (in Flash Gordon- I had goen so far as to have slobbered all over the TV screen in order to simulate making out qith him, toi my father's infinite disgust). These crushes, while elaborately fantazsied about, usually ended in quite the PG-rated manner, with embraces, hand holds and many smooches and then, myself and said crush were magically married.

But not this time.

This time, I not only had a crush on Mister Astin. And not only did I want to give him a buss. But I wanted to DO IT WITH HIM.

This, my friends, was a turning point for me. A milestone of sexual awakening. Or mild insanity and star worship. Either/or.

Anyway, I found out that a mutual friend ran into the real, live adult Mackenzie Astin recently (and said he was a very charming, lovely gentleman- I am not the least bit surprised) and I got very excited. Like, REALLY excited. The term "live the dream" has never been so appropos. The fact that this mutual friend knew the lucky young lady who is apparently currently dating Mackenzie Astin has done little to cool the ardour that has resurfaced in my molten heart. I'm going to be watching my copy of Last Days of Disco (on VHS no less) in the near future, of that you can be sure.

My Future Husband Is Into Comedy As Well.

I'd gladly give a kidney to be in the position that Ricky Gervais is in this sketch.

Ah yes, Stephen Merchant. You shall be mine.

And That's When They Made The Old Lady's Automatic Stair Lifter Chair EXPLODE!

From a recent MySpace comment I left for my friend, Brooke (who, sadly, witnessed the night I am referencing):

10/17/2006 11:50 AM

Sometimes, I realize I am much like a Gremlin (from the Chris Columbus/Joe Dante 1984 horror flick, "GREMLINS"). How?

1) You should not get me wet (with cheap beer).
2) You should not expose me to bright light (after I've had can after can of cheap beer and my makeup is smeared like a $10 mouth-fuck prostitute)
3) And the most important thing, the one thing you must never forget: no matter how much I cry, no matter how much I beg . . . never, never feed me cheap beers after midnight. On a Sunday. At Beauty Bar.

Especially if there is dancing.

Loyalty, And How I Define It.

Dad's Retirement Flight, Sept. 30th, 2006.


I woke up this morning and heard this on NPR while I was getting ready for work. My father has worked for many years as a pilot, first in the United States Navy and then as an Captain for the now defunct PSA, which then became the oft financially troubled US Airways.

TRANSCRIPT OF NPR'S MARKETPLACE-MORNING EDITION:

LISA NAPOLI: Three weeks until Election Day and the Associated Press crunched the latest numbers on election fundraising. It looks like the Democratic challengers in some close Senate races are raking in the dough. In some states, they've even got more money than the incumbents. The AP points out that the filings aren't the whole story &mdahs; most candidates are receiving financial support from their parties.

Time now for more of our midterm election series, The Real Agenda. Those politicians are spending that money they've raised on all manner of media. But are they offering any solutions to problems people say they care about? We've asked for perspectives from some of their constituents. Like Jonathan Hobbs. He's a pilot and he's stayed with US Airways through a merger and two bankruptcies.

JONATHAN HOBBS: I chose to stay for a good reason: I had no choice. I'm almost 50 and married with three children. Two of them were heading off to college when US Airways second draconian pay cut sliced my salary in half.

I considered applying at other airlines but I've seen firsthand that decision can be foolhardy. Switching airlines is an unpalatable and irrational option.

Pilots who switch companies, regardless of flight experience. start over. Period. You loose all seniority accumulated over your career and join the ranks of interns and clerks.

At 50 years of age you get to celebrate Christmas in a cheap Philadelphia two-bedroom crash pad, a time zone away from your family. You get to eat a cheese steak and beer chaser with a dozen 20-year-old new-hire reserve pilots discussing Britney Spears' sex life while “Blue Christmas” plays in the background.

Besides, I've grown accustomed to eating my meals in the dusty familiar confines of a US Airways cockpit.

I've hung on and survived. And that's more than I can say about many of my peers. It has been a terrible journey, much too difficult for some. There were personal bankruptcies, household moves, divorces and even suicides.

But what do we have here? US Airways is having a profitable year. Finally, those of us who sacrificed income, retirement and nearly every benefit it took three decades to achieve can bask in some comfort and security.

But I remain guarded. I've seen the dark side, more than once. It could all change in an instant; fuel prices could skyrocket, the economy could lay an egg . . .

There are few certainties in life. But one is the employees at US Airways deserve a break. And two, if we're profitable for the entire year, the corporation is contractually required to share those profits with us.

I'm sure they'll enjoy passing out those checks as much as passing . . . kidney stones.

NAPOLI: Jonathan Hobbs is a pilot and novelist who lives in Fort Mill, South Carolina. In Los Angeles, I'm Lisa Napoli. Enjoy your day.

Watching the airline industry change in ways that were often personally damaging to our entire family (I have an uncle who is also an ex Naval Officer and commercial pilot) has been hard for me. When I was a kid, pilots were looked up to, not just by their passengers but, it seemed, by their employers who treated them well based on their safely carrying people to their destinations. But things have changed, for a variety of reasons, some obvious (September 11th,2001) some maybe not so obvious to the uninitiated (the Southwest fare wars, JetBlue's cheap seats and boutique airlines like them who are basically, re-doing the PSA model my Dad was hired into as a young man- talk about ironic).

It's been hard to watch my Dad, who is a proud man and a great father, get dumped on while the CEOs of this company (and many like it) gallivant off with the pensions of thier hard-working employees. That's right. These millionaires who've run the compnay into the ground still get paid, while the employees who make the place run get the shaft. All of it- a lifetime of work and the savings promised for that work? It's gone. It's almost comical at this point, except it's also sickening to realize my dad has no pension anymore. So when people whine that there's no food on long flights, it's hard for me not to want to punch them in the face and say "That's because you wanted a cheaper fare, asshole. Take your pick, my Dad and the men & women like him's 401Ks or those peanuts you'd have bitched about regardless? Now go shut up and watch a re-run of King of Queens half-wit."

My Dad retired early this past month. He flew his last commercial flight on September 30th, 2006. And I just wanted to take a second to say that he is one of my heros, and I am so proud of all he put up with to take care of my Mom, brother and I (and the stupid basset hound, but who's counting). That repsect and thanks goes out to all you other old school airline employees, men and women like my Dad- I appreciate you and the work you've put in in this trying time.

This one's for Captain J.T. Barber and his Charlotte based flight crew, too. I love you, Dad.

The Kissing Booth- TOMORROW!

It's time you brought your fine ass right on down to the comedy/party mecca that IS the D Lounge to step into THE KISSING BOOTH! This line up is solid gold like the tv show, so don't miss out. And hey- if you can't make the show, drop in for the FREE late nite dance party that begins directly after- cheap booze specials from our dreamy bartender Jason all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!


A monthly variety show hosted by comedy duo Brandy & Sara. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacular finale. If you can't make the show, drop in for the FREE late nite dance party that begins directly after- cheap booze specials from our dreamy bartender Jason all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!


The Kissing Booth presents: We'll Have A Gay Old Time!

October 14th, 2006

9:30 pm

Doors open at 9 pm


The D-Lounge

101 East 15th Street at Union Square East- BASEMENT LEVEL of the DR2 Theater


$3 Miller Lights! $4 Well Shots! Full Bar For You Fancy Types!
Dance Party Begins Right When The Show Ends!


In this month's show, Brandy & Sara have big dreams that won't stop until they make it all the way to Broadway. And this month, their line up is the creme de la creme of the Gay White Way:



with:

Shawn Hollenbach (MINTYFRESH)


Allen Warnock & Andrea Alton (FREEDUMB)


Mindy Raf (COLLEGE HUMOR)


Mike Barry (WEINER PHILHARMONIC)


Gabe Leidman (AT NIGHT WITH GABE AND JENNY)


Katina & Matt (MINTYFRESH)


Brent Sullivan (BOSTON COMEDY FESTIVAL)


Jerry Miller (THE ROYAL WE)


Kevin Allison (MTV'S THE STATE)

PLUS some other nonsense from your hosts, Brandy & Sara, what promises to be the most crazed dance party to date, super paparazzi pals Anya Garrett & Brian Van, lots of yummy candy, not one but TWO pomeranian puppies, and Hi-Jinx Galore!

CHICKS & GIGGLES: Curly Girls Comedy TONIGHT!!!

Come on down to Mo Pitkin's tonight and catch the fun at this always warm & whimsical show full of bawdy gals. Hosted by TV's Carolyn Castiglia and produced by Dame Nichelle Stephens. You shan't be disappointed.

We love the lovely lady.

From PEOPLE.COM, excerpts from an interview with Scarlett Johansson:

Johansson also encourages responsibility when having sex. "I get tested for HIV twice a year," she says. "One has to be socially aware. It's part of being a decent human, to be tested for STDs. It's just disgusting behavior when people don't. It's so irresponsible."

Amen, sister. Amen. It's so refreshing to hear this. It's so important to hear a young woman who is in the public eye make smart, strong statements regarding taking care of your own reproductive health. It's all of our responsibilities as sexually active adults to make sure we're not spreading disease, and if you're too uncomfortable with your own body to be aware, to demand safe sex from your partners and to screen yourself for safety, you really should not be having sex. Really. And speaking of safe sex, did I mention PostSecret.com makes my life complete? This is why:



Why is it that men who buy these and flaunt them tend to be pencil dicks? Perhaps Trojan should make a brand specifically for them and their delusional, skinny weens. I'm just saying, is all.

The Break Up Show: Tonight!

Hey you- yeah, you. Put down that pnt of ice cream, drop the bag of Funyons and for the love of christ, would you remove those festering grey sweatpants you've had for a week? And while we're at it, peel off his old t-shirt, the one you've had on since he left you. That's right- it's time to get off that couch, turn off Lifetime, clean up nice and bring it on down to the Break Up Show! Hosted by my fab pal Kimmy Gatewood, and co-produced by me, this is a night you won't want to miss. Especially if you just got shafted by your dude/old lady. See you there!

4 months post-break up, and the healing process never ends! After yet another break up after Kimmy's break up, she sprinted to Maryland for a guy-fest — Day 1: Open Bar Wedding. Day 2: High school reunion. She's sad to report there were no hot, single guys, old flames, or shenanigans. The best shot she had was with the the bride's hippie father who kept inviting her "back in the woods." Kimmy and her friends will tell you this and other cringe-inducing, horrible and hysterical stories about breaking up. Come out and laugh through those tears!

THE BREAK UP SHOW

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 6TH, 2006

10 PM - $5

The P.I.T.

154 W. 29th b/t 6th & 7th Avenues

with

JORDAN CARLOS (THE COLBERT REPORT)

NICK STEVENS (VH1)

PARTY CENTRAL USA! (MTV2)

GLENNIS MCMURRAY (UCB)


and featuring your lovely host, KIMMY GATEWOOD!

Click HERE to purchase advance tickets.

Click HERE for more show information.

The Break Up Show is produced by KIMMY GATEWOOD and BRANDY BARBER.


Be our brand new MySpace Pal:
http://www.myspace.com/thebreakupshow

THE BREAKUP SHOW is produced by BRANDY BARBER & KIMMY GATEWOOD.

Journey - Separate Ways

SO!!! MUCH!!! PUNCHING!!!

Fighting The Good Fight.

David Cross: love him or hate him, the man backs it up. He hates the Belush, he talks about hating the Belush, and when confronted with the Belush, he doesn't pretend to be Hollywood pals and whimper out "Oh, being mean is part of my routine but let's be friends" like a fucking kiss-ass weasel.

No. Our Mister Cross, onstage and off, openly displays his lack of respect and I, for one, think it's great. Fuck all those people there dancing. Half of them are mediocre assholes who paid to go to that show because they watch fucking pathetic boring prime time network tat starring this somehwat shaved ape, and the other half who quote "Animal House" ad nauseum are willing to take the diluted urine essence of John Belushi that his brother peddles to anyone who'll pay attention. As this complete dearth of taste designates them to be walking abortions, I have no mercy for them. I wish David Cross had thrown a molotov cocktail back into the room and that the clip ended with everything- most especially the rayon of the Belush's cheap, shiny expand-a-waist trousers- being licked up quick in flames.

And a good morning to you!

Ca$h Money and Marvelou$: $370 Worth of one particular Friday.

From a recent email sent by a friend of mine, it's a Purity Test! Read on, if YOU DARE!


Look over the following list and see how many of these things you have done. Add up the money amount along the way, then post the amount. JUST CHARGE YOURSELF ONCE EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY STILL DO IT EVERYDAY!!!

Smoked pot -- $10
Dropped acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Hooked up in the bathroom at a bar--$10
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one whose name you didn't know -- $5
Had sex with someone whose last name you didn't know--$25
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, don't remember informaton from the night before and/or passed out -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Got oral -- $5
Gave oral -- $5
Gave / got oral in a car/cab while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone who'd been in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Had sex while someone else was in the room--$75
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you loved someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Had sex with someone who you knew you'd never see again--$15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Drank other people's drinks--$10
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25


I realize most people would read this list and tick off things based on years of teenage drinking, collegiate Greek antics, and wedding reception open-bar fueled inebriation. I, on the other hand, seem treat it like a to do list for a Friday night after work wind down. It's a time to do a little self-evaluation when, we realize that the list sums up a scant few hours spent with an attractive-nay, VERY attractive- co-worker on one recent Friday evening. One night, and a total of $370.00. [Eds. note- some of these items were bolded prior, but I decided it was too much for even me to handle when it was on paper and removed the indicators. I'll let you go ahead and assemble the items leading to that total, like some sort of algebra problem where you have to show your work]

I will say this about myself: I am NEVER boring.

Nick Drake, You Tricked Me Into Sleeping With You- DANG!!!

Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do so well, Mister Drake. But you certainly pulled one over on this lady. Somehow you managed to hoodwink me into handing over the underpants and I don't know how but I DO know that I liked it. A lot.

What will happen to the weasel, indeed.

Little Fat Pug Nose Face.

I was HOWLING just now at work. There are tears in my eyes. I love you, Ricky. I love you.

The Making of XANADU.

Someone may have cried when she saw parts of this. Someone may also, based on this type of unappealing behavior, die alone and not be discovered until the smell alerts her landlord to open the door, whereupon he is greeted by the sight of one of her many cats-let's say this particular one is named Impy-yanking her remaining eye from its socket and chewing, ever so nonchalantly.

Hatefully Charming's Glory Hole: Episode #3.

Another blast from the past and not, it is hoped, your ass. Tee hee.

Friday, January 28, 2005
So Says I.

I have had two professors that talked in a way that was eerily reminiscent of cartoon character, Elmer Fudd.

The first was my driver's ed teacher in high school, who, during one of those "Blood On the Pavement" type fright filmstrips chose to wait until after a gruesome image of two corpses in a flaming automobile to announce, "There's the crispy critters" and them chuckle at himself. But instead it sounded like he said, "cwispy cwitters". I hated him and his mumbling and so I ditched class all the time. That's right, I almost flunked Driver's Ed, folks. My best friend Becky and I defaced his picture in our yearbooks with the phrase, "you wascalwy tuwn signal!"

The second Elmer Fudd was an ancient college English Literature professor, who had open contempt for the class and muttered his way through Chaucer all the while insulting us for being "stupid" as we fell asleep to his freakish droning. He once was directly behind me in the hallway as we proceeded to an elevator, and he said, "Not so fast, my dear", and indicated I should slow down to walk with him. We stood in the elevator in silence, while he stared directly at my profile with a weird grin. I was creeped out and didn't want to make eye contact with him. Of course I didn't understand what he had even said before we got in the elevator until months later. Then I was repulsed at the fact that he was being kind of pervy. Especially considering that earlier he had insinuated that the class was a bunch of half wits.

Jesus, filmstrips? I am old.

Women Who I Am Not, But Who Also Have Reddish Curly Hair And Who I Get Compared To Occasionally.

What A Feeling!

And that feeling is...nausea due to my poor choice in outfits. Someone watched too much "Flashdance". You see, I had some sort of freak out where I decided I needed to dress up to go out to a fun party Saturday- but only after looking at the (sad but true) website photo gallery for the Mis-Shapes party. Let the record state I am too old to even begin to try to emulate this kind of get up. It it the "Logan's Run" of style, meant only for precocious, slender, lovely, Eurotrash-wanna-be teenagers. Ones who, if they get the Pulp reference therein, were in elementary school at the time Jarvis and his bunch were at their heyday. Whereas at that time, I was buying "Different Class" at the secondhand half of Lou's Records in Leucadia, along with a Meat Puppets disc and probably a Teenage Fanclub import, so I'd have cool studying/necking music for my college dorm room. Eeek. Grandma likes to recollect her Brit Pop olden days!

Back to the lecture at hand: Not only did I look at pictures of the too cool for schooliest prior to a night out and have an inadequacy fit, I then let the American Apparel on Smith Street trick me into thinking it was appropriate to wear an electric blue cotton nightgown and black leggings out -IN PUBLIC. Oh, there's more- I cinched it with a jaunty beige suede sash-belt and wore bright red pumps. Someone is patriotic! As you can see the results were tragic. I am nothing if not pathetic. In the neighboring photo, poor Kloke is force to drink even more in order to tolerate my attempts at "fashion".

The irony is, we were at a birthday party for a new friend who is going to have his own show on Style Network. I suspect I may be asked to appear...in one of the "BEFORE" segments, you know- one of those scolding host shows where they take away my silver sequined belts and camoflauge trucker hats and midwestern Mom denim and slap my hand when I try to put a butterfly clip in my hair. Jennifer Beals, you minx! How you've deceived me lo these many moons! And YOU, Solid Gold's Costume Department!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!!!

In closing: I should have just worn my uniform of skinny jeans, cute flats and a decent tank top. I had to go and complicate it. Let the photos, then, stand as my punishment. And YOURS.

I implore you.

Do not do as I did and ingest three quarters of a bag of Parmesan & Garlic Pita Chips at 2 am after a night of ennui. You won't like the consequences in the morning. Trust me on this.

Hatefully Charming's Glory Hole: Episode Two.

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A Story About My Life One Fateful Friday NIght As Told Thru Images.

Borrowing (also known as blatant plagarism) is always a trick I like to employ, especially when it's from my pal Jack Kukoda. Jack maintains a screamingly hilarious blog full of nonsense and malarkey and you should read it ever so faithfully. He is funny and also, sometimes he cleans up nice for humping purposes and may try to look at your boobs (not just for the ladies, FYI, gents).
























































































The moral is this. Life is about the things you collect along the way, be they memories of shared love for Karl Wallinger, or the way someone smells like Hugo Boss and cigarettes and gin, or the way someone's mouth looks when they pronounce the words "Lolita Bar" with an English accent, or experiences enveloped in fancy feather comforters, or the feel of slick black slate tile against your bare shoulder blade, or matchbooks you hold in the palm of your hand and smirk at. I like matchbooks.


















PS Margot Leitman will totally get you laid.

Me!

Hey all,

I have decided this is going to be a boring day at the office and I desire attention and communications. So, here is my AOL IM info.

xanadutattoo

No, I do not have a tattoo of the Xanadu logo. Yes, when I chose the name I wanted to get one. In fact, I still very well may. I am easily swayed by my love of 80's mega-musical roller-skating fusion Greco-Roman dramas, and all.

So let's talk it out, champ!

Jagshemesh!

Jagshemesh!, originally uploaded by Vidalia.

Aw, yeah! Shit's going down!

Mile End.

Bolly darling? You are Patsy Stone. A sloshed Sixties relic. Your heart belongs to all night parties, free booze and perhaps something a little more illegal. You've lived a wild life and it has taken its toll. You have a tendency to be catty, jealous and rude to anyone who doesn't meet your standards of high fashion. Despite your shortcomings no-one could deny that you love your best friend. Cheers!

Are YOU AbFab? Click here, sweetie darling!

Who's Got The Crack?

I just got all a-wiggly because I realized the the geniuses behind my beloved 2 Many Djs bootleg purchased at Kim's way back when I was in grad school at a heretofore undisclosed location on the Upper West Side (some may say, the very mouth of hell itself) will be performing Thursday at what sounds to be a fucking rager of a show. That's right, straight from Belgium, it's Soulwax. HINT: There is free PBR. Oh, yes please.

Could they be ANY more dreamy? Methinks not. Lookit.

Here are some details on the show, which you should go to and dance with me at, hott stuff, Yeah, YOU.


Thursday September 21st, 2006
FIXED Presents:
THE RADIO SOULWAX TOUR

@ Studio B
259 Banker St, between Calyer and Meserole Ave Williamsburg Brooklyn

9pm-3:30am

Featuring:
SOULWAX NITE VERSIONS (live)
(www.soulwax.com, www.soulwax.uk.com)

New York, don't sleep, don't work, don't go out this weekend...basically, do whatever you have to do to be at Studio B on Thursday September 21st, 2006 to experience Soulwax Nite Versions live!!!
This night could possibly change your life!!!

&

THE KLAXONS (live) (www.myspace.com/theklaxons)

&

2manydjs
(THE BEST DJ'S IN THE WORLD...ENOUGH SAID!!!)

SUPPORT BY:
Dave P (MAKING TIME, [click.], www.myspace.com/davidpianka)
&
JDH

Free Sparks and PBR from 9-11!!!

Check out Soulwax Nite Versions' live set and 2manydjs' super rad DJ sets at:
www.2manydjs.free.fr

$10.00

Advance tickets available at Other Music 15 E. 4th St. NYC and online at http://www.igetrvng.musictoday.com

The Mighty Boosh.

Short Clip.



Full Episode.


My pal Sophie from Dublin told me about this show when she was here, and it took a few more mentions of it for me to realize I had to know more. This afternoon, I was looking at the website for The Streets, wanted a shirt or some such nonsense, and the online store for Mike Skinner also seemed to carry merchandise for the show. I did a bit if reading, a bit of peeking, and low and behold, it's fucking crazy and awesome. Even better? There's significant crossover from the whole Garth Merenghi's Darkplace crew. This only means good things. And this is really odd- I thought I recognized the guy who plays an American on the show. It was driving me nuts. The it hit me- It's Rich Fulcher, one of the original members of the UCB. I remember seeing him around the theater numerous times when he was in town, doing his one man show. In fact, I recall slipping him free beers when I was bartending at one of the last Del Close Marathons I worked at- maybe 2003? How bizarre.

All of this leads to me mentioning that my dream is to have a hit comedy series on BBC someday. I want to go there first, make it, and then maybe make it big here. My obsession with being psuedo-European is odd, but bear with me. I want what I want. Of course, that means I have to stop watching cult British comedy on YouTube and actually WRITING SOMETHING. Harumph.

Fresh, Fresh, Exciting. She's So Inviting To Me.

Well look at me. I make up smartass sayings that my friends put onto T-shirts. And often, I act out on those sayings. Not often enough, mind you.

What you can't see is, there's a little heart right after the "on". Thanks, Rozzi!

FLICKER TONIGHT!

Come one down for free candy, popcorn and fun at the first ever FLICKER! With your hosts, Brandy & Jack! AND a stand up set from Roger Hailes (Flying Blind, Chapelle's Show). Should be fun!