"If you'll excuse me I'm going to take an all night drunk, and then I'm going to go find the shark that killed my best friend."

I think this was the line Bill Murray said. It was a long movie. But it made me laugh.

I watched Closer and there was a lot of sobbing. I would like to say to anyone who went through a recent breakup, especially if there was infidelity, you may want to avoid viewing it. I also was beyond turned on by Clive Owens, who I have had dreams of being ravaged by since Croupier. He is such a beast. I fantasized that Clive Ownes was saying to me (instead of lucky, tiny Natalie Portman), "You're going to take all your gear off right now, and you're going to turn around very slowly, and you're gonna bend over, and you're gonna touch the fucking floor for my viewing pleasure". This fantasy proved to be a better feeling than when you get the biggest slice of birthday cake, with the rose and all. Seriously, there's a scene between them (in a champagne room, no less) that summed up more than a few of my past relationships, and I suppose this similarity should have made me sad. Instead it made me wish I was still getting laid by some of those gorgeous, deranged hot losers of yore. When I moved to New York, I started seeing smarter boys, and the sex has suffered greatly. I no longer feel the need to make excuses for liking men that are bigger than me, taller and/or stockier. If I can hold my own in a street fight, than so should you be able to. It would be great if you also could discuss Heaven 17 and/or Tom Perotta novels, too. I find it attractive.

When I started looking for intellectual compatibility over the strictly physical, I expected that sex would be the least of my issues. Good plan, re-re.

So anyway...Clive Owens. Please do it with me.