Friday, June 17, 2005


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CELEBRITY SWAG S.O.S.! A hyperventillating Hollywood publicist yesterday E-mailed this plea to luxury-goods purveyors: "Lindsay Lohan will be having a private birthday celebration in Hollywood this upcoming weekend. [We] will be responsible for getting the latest and greatest products for her 100 VIP guests. We hope to receive all donations by Friday, June 17th. If you DO NOT have enough products for the entire party, please let us know and we would appreciate anything at this short notice! Also, if you would like us to put anything 'special' in Lindsay's gift bag [that is, allowed by state and federal law] we can arrange that as well. Thank you for very much and we apologize for the late notice!" No, no. Thank you for very much!

I'd better get to work if I'm going to produce 100 turds in time!

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