Monday, April 10, 2006

Here's The Thing: Drunk Cunts From L.I. Need To Shut Thier Yaps.

Clockwise from top: Host Andrew Wright Has A Boner for NYC; Brrandy & Sara Love That Becky; Rosie McDavis Is Back From Her Cruise; Michelle Collins Tries To Get Waxed Pre-Date Rape; "Dear God: I'm A Fucking Dirty Thief!".

A delightful night all around at the free Sunday nite shindig, Here's The Thing: Ladeez Nite. Michelle Collins and Becky Yamamoto were in fine form, as were all the acts that night. Chelsea Peretti wins my undying respect for dealing with some drunk dipshits (who kept giving it up for Long Island long past the time it was appropriate to do so) in a way so fearless, I was too afraid to go up after the show and tell her so lest she kick me directly in the cunt. Later, after my date (OK it was Allocco, bite me) and I went to get monies from the deli, I was so distracted by the ominous, Star Trek Enterprise-like "bong" noise tgat emanated from the ATM, I kept yammering "Spock is beeping at me! Spock is beeping at us Sara!" She was unfazed, but I was distracted and managed to walk out cluthcing the bag of Soy Crisps I had picked up with the full intention of buying. That's right, I fucking got so distracted I shoplifted Soy Crisps. That'll go over real well at the sentencing, Barber. "That ATM was making noises and it was shining a light and, and, and..." Good lord. The worst part is, I didn't realize what I'd done until hours later at Sara's house, where I started screaming "Oh my god did I shoplift?! Oh my god!!! Do I go back?" Annie & Allocco said nay. So if you press charges, they are totally fucking implicated.


saraisloco said...

I think we also got distracted when I looked into the meat station and replied, "I HAVE FOUR CHINS!". Then the patron at the counter told me to do chin lifts. thanks douche.

dynamite with a laser beam said...

yeah... i think you may just need to lay off the soy crisps.