Tuesday, April 18, 2006


As all 2 of you who read this blog (meaning my Mom and a chronic masturbator in Malaysia from what I ascertained via SiteMeter) may recall, last week I had my ink-black charcoal heart broken when I walked over to where a White Castle used to be and was no more. I called Directory Assistance and asked for White Castles in Manhattan, and was told there were no listings. And then, I sat on a hot dog vendor's milk crate seat and cried. Ok, not really, but I considered it for dramatic effect but ultimately decided against it lest it break and I fall on my fat ass in the gutter on 32nd and 5th to the amusement of the many, many German toursits thronged there. I try only to fall in the gutter after being kicked out of tiki bars in the East Village because I swiped an entire Scorpion Bowl off someone else's table and/or hurled a Red Strip at someone's head. CLASS ACT LIKE KID N PLAY, YA'LL!!!!

Anyway, crisis averted. One of my lunchtime strolls revealed that not only is there a White Castle in Manhattan alright, but that it is in the same area just on the West Side. And someone plans on going there and getting a single White Castle jalepeno cheeseburger which she will eat half of and then feel sick & full and throw out the remainder of. I may not be able to control my excessive drinking or my feelings of crushing inadequacy, but at least I can make sure I'm skinny enough to get dudes to offer to open doors for me and try to buy me beers and the like. I'm the boss of applesauce!

$ex. Ca$h. Chao$.


matt said...

"I'm the boss of applesauce!"
Congrats. I think you've found your catch-phrase.

Also, I'm tellin' you, White Castle is gross! Except for the chicken rings. Grab me some of those.

saraisloco said...

I agree. Someone just found their new Michele Tanner saying.

I was never allowed to go to White Castle alone when I was little (meaning age 17 when I could drive there) b/c my mom thought I'd be shot at by the "dirtbags"....on Long Island no less. Great little burgers though.

matt said...

Sara, was Amy Fisher working at White Castle back then?

2na said...

my parents used to take me to white castle when i was a kid and this girl loved it.... bran there is one not too far from us bike rideable... danger danger yo!

swiping scorpion bowl - yet another rootie moment