Tuesday, April 18, 2006
WHITE CASTLE TRAGEDY: A NEW HOPE...
As all 2 of you who read this blog (meaning my Mom and a chronic masturbator in Malaysia from what I ascertained via SiteMeter) may recall, last week I had my ink-black charcoal heart broken when I walked over to where a White Castle used to be and was no more. I called Directory Assistance and asked for White Castles in Manhattan, and was told there were no listings. And then, I sat on a hot dog vendor's milk crate seat and cried. Ok, not really, but I considered it for dramatic effect but ultimately decided against it lest it break and I fall on my fat ass in the gutter on 32nd and 5th to the amusement of the many, many German toursits thronged there. I try only to fall in the gutter after being kicked out of tiki bars in the East Village because I swiped an entire Scorpion Bowl off someone else's table and/or hurled a Red Strip at someone's head. CLASS ACT LIKE KID N PLAY, YA'LL!!!!
Anyway, crisis averted. One of my lunchtime strolls revealed that not only is there a White Castle in Manhattan alright, but that it is in the same area just on the West Side. And someone plans on going there and getting a single White Castle jalepeno cheeseburger which she will eat half of and then feel sick & full and throw out the remainder of. I may not be able to control my excessive drinking or my feelings of crushing inadequacy, but at least I can make sure I'm skinny enough to get dudes to offer to open doors for me and try to buy me beers and the like. I'm the boss of applesauce!
$ex. Ca$h. Chao$.