Wednesday, April 05, 2006

"I can make that dream come true, too, a.k.a., for you."*

I am awful about being distracted by things. My college sweetheart used to call me Distracto, saying that in the Marvel Universe, my super-ability would be to ignore things until it was a dire situation that blew up in my face. Such as: not packing a damned thing, not even so much as a fork, for an upcoming move. Days would go by and I'd stare at all the shit in my bungalow, look balefully at the cardboard boxes, and then I'd read a book. I'd think about packing, I'd talk about packing, but did I do it? Ask my Mom about that one. It's still a bone of contention in the family.

There are some personal reasons for this that I don't feel comfortable going into. But I will say that as I get older I catch myself doing it more and more. What I usually tend to do is fixate on something and then, let that dictate my ignoring other things in my life that need nurturing. Such as laundry. Or my taxes. Or writing a novel. It is way more important to look at back issues of ReadyMade, or worry about past slights, or some such nonsense.

I expend an amazing amount of energy looking for projects that have no hope of offering me anything in return. When I find one I pursue it to its bitter end, and then one day I look up and think, "Jesus holy christ infant in a snuggli, what the hell is my problem?! The house looks like a crack den, I haven't pitched any of the article ideas I came up with, and I still haven't recylced those empty wine bottles. Get ahold of yourself, Brandy!"

The trick, I am learning, is to not seek out these "bird with a broken wing" types of projects. I need to give that amount of attention to my own day to day issues. I don't know why those details always seem to be easily overlooked, but I do know it ends up causing me great amounts of distress.

It's cyclical in nature. So the question is, now that I realize that, how do I not fuck up and do it again? That is the big question of the day.

* David Brent.

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