Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I'm Really Savoring Teaching Your Drunk Ass A Life Lesson.

Why not come and see Brandy & Sara screech like the howler monkeys they are at this night of fancy comedy? Carol & Francesco are the so so def proprietors of, which if you didn't know about, now you know. Plus they have nice friends that help out like Sean Crespo & Marianne, who has very pretty hair. Come on down! It's fun and it's free and it's all you ever wanted in a lover. EWWW! WHO USES THAT WORD?! Barf.

Did I mention the free part? Oh. Good.

Seriously, we're honored to be asked to be on the bill so please come out and show the love, and make sure to link to their fab web site, too.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Worst. Waitress. Ever.

this is an audio post - click to play

While I Was Typing Yet Another Plug, Some Asshole From My Office Tried To Make Me Work On A "Project".

We all know what "a project" translates to. It means, "I'm a lazy ass that tries to delegate my turd to you for flushing purposes which I should really handle myself, yet I am akin to an infant as far as common sense and think I can pull one over on you." My reply? "I'm really, really slammed." This, as I was searching for JPGs of my drunk ass on the hard drive. I ignored her repeated sighs until she thankfully went away, looking annoyed. Good. Beat it, troll because I have shows to promote. And speaking of...

Come out and see the black magic of Brandy & Sara as we use our powers for evil. Fuck good.

We'll be doing a sketch classic of ours, voted "Most Likey To Make Brandy's Mom Really, Really Angry". You don't want to miss that.

AND it's only $5! WHAT?! Put down that Iced Latte from Starbuck's, you ass! That's your ticket money.

See you there.

Have I Mentioned I Have A New Show Coming Up? Oh. I Did?

Writing Meeting In The Park.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

"They needed thier 'Hey Yas' and their what-have-yous." - Porter Mason

Steve grinds coffee beans at Trader Joe's while I mug; Grandma Jeanne's 81st Birthday; my gorgeous cousin Lacey & I share cake at our commitment ceremony; this is after I started a chant of "BARBER!" and got him to do his second keg stand; my Mom had to drive all the drunk cousins home from the fancy yacht party; Go Navy- the stadium at 7:45ish am; Lacey & I are poncho-riffic; the annual covers toss means they're graduates; world's most handsome little brother of ever, Ensign Steven D. Barber; Mom, Steve, Daddy & I (and Bud Light cans); cousin Brian has had it; Daddy and Steve survery the common people from the sky box party suite; Uncle Greg assists one in need (drunk Dad); cousin round up with me & Steve, handsome Air Force gentleman Mark & Lacey; family Navy t-shirt portrait time (no, my fly isn't open).

I've been away this weekend in Maryland, celebrating my little brother's graduation from the Naval Academy & his formal commsioining as an officer. Steve was in the first class to enroll at the Academy after 9/11. He graduated with distinction out of a class of some of the smartest students in the United States. He's going to have his Master's at 22 in Aerospace Engineering. He's brilliant and brave and wonderful. I don't know what else to say except, I love him so much. He's one of the most kind, humble and courageous people I know and I can't believe we're related- I mean, I'm clearly a total asshole.

Here's the the Barbers, the Kalbs and the Donohues- as my Dad Terry would say, the Fightin' BDKs. I love my family so much, and for us all to be together again for the first time in so many years was marvelous. Everyone's funny and crazy and smart. I am so proud of them all. And especially of the world's most bestest little brother of ever. I love you Steven, and you make me proud and inspire me every single godamnned day.

And Dick Cheney can suck it.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Lady Picture Show by STP.

Giulia couldn't decide which of the 3 bachelors to choose; Cuddling up all cute-like; Peeking around before she saw a rat and screamed while Porter stares on, disinterested; that Friedman is a real tail magnet.

A couple of days ago I came out to meet up with fellow tall gal Molly Reisner, Claudia "CoCo" Cogan, Giulia & Sara and had the good luck to run into my beloved Porter at the 2nd Ave. subway stop. He came along to the bar, where we ran into a host of pals post-comedy show. It was like looking thru the magic mirror in an episode of Romper Room. Except for when I mysteriously got drunk off of 2 beers and had to high tail it to Stromboli for a slice of sauce-only Sicilian, eaten on the tin lip of a walk-up window counter outside on 1st Avenue. I got into one of my very first NYC street altercations there- shouted down a drunk hobo all by my lonsome while my 2 guy friends cowered. Ah, memories.

Summer has arrived, fuckers!

My baby does the hanky panky.

That title is so gross. Whenever we discuss Jon Benet, which is alot, Sara always sings it and prances around a la pageant.

Speaking of Sara- AND WHEN AM I NOT??!!?? (ewww, beat it)- She was fantastic last night at her first ever stand up gig at the always fun-tastic Chicks & Giggles. And I'm not just saying that because we're comedy partners, she's really grand. Dynamite comes in small packages. Also, redheaded drunkards type a lot of trite cliches. What? Kudos to good friend Matt Sears for taking some Carly Simon-fueled abuse.

Carolyn, our vivacious host, was in fine form as always. I also got to see the hilarious Mindy Raf, with whom I had a very meaningful Fulton Street Mall black lady wig store conversation with. She was wearing a spiky little number for a funny sort of Ani Di Franco chracter she was doing, and I loved it. When she told me where it was from, it hit me- it was an exact replica of Kelly Rowland's hair! Kelly has always been my fave Destiny's Child member. That Beyonce is a wily one- she knows Kelly's got the goods and she tried to shove her under a bushel. "Dilemma" is hands down one of my favorite songs. I think when I go to get my nameplate earrings (oh, that's not going away mind you) I am going to pay that wig store a visit. Thanks for the tip, Ms. Mindy.

All in all a fun show- and I was on a comedy tour, because beforehand I went to see the slyph-like Margot Leitman's new comedy endeavor at the UCB, called Slow Night. Hands down, Margot is not afraid to do wacky shit and we love her for it. She's a peach. Go check her out.

All in all a lovely night of funny stuff. Then Giulia and I walked to the train where we saw the saddests sight; a pair of discarded Winnie The Pooh slippers, turned as if they had been made to bite the curb. Sheesh. Later in Brooklyn we strolled the the bodega in pajamas. I threatened to wear Paul Frank sleep boxer shorts and leopard-print peep toes heels. Giulia was unfazed by my display and so, I put on my fake Uggs instead and off we went in search of Cool Ranch Doritos & soprasetta.

And to all, a good night.

Monday, May 22, 2006

International Friendships.

Recently, my newly beloved pal Aubrey (go download his stuff on Itunes it's fun and all that jazz) returned to Canada to my great chagrin. I sent him an email stating my disatisfaction with this and demanded he emmigrate (sp?) back to NYC on the double. Response as follows.

FROM: Aubrey Tennant
TO: Brandy L. Barber
Subject: Re: Friday Night Hi-Jinx
Date: May 21, 2006 9:25 PM


Say hi to J to the O to the D for me. Oh yeah, and Sara. I am trying to find some sort of god that will help me be more funny and trade it for dollars or something equivalent.
When people say "How cool is New York?" i say "It's so cool that there
is this girl named Brandy that brings beer in her bag with her and
whisks you off to the bathroom to get drunk with her." and they look
at me like "Oh snap I got to go there now" and I'm all "I know"

missing you lots.

Keep On Keep Keepin' It On.

Patrick & Bri getting in costume; Jerry & Bri dance it up for Anya; Sara gets dripped on in her role as ice cream carton floater; the world's creepiest ice cream man.

Some pictures from our video shoot a week or so ago. Sara and I are so excited about our NEW upcoming monthly variety show, we cannot tell you. The video we made will be included at the very end, in a big karaoke blow out. You don't want to miss this, trust me. SAVE THE DATE!

Brandy & Sara in
The Kissing Booth
June 9th, 8 pm
The Tank
279 Church b/t Franklin & White

Pucker up for comedy.

featuring a karaoke duet complete with authentic video chock full of appearances by:

The fantastic Brianne Halverson & Michael Terry from Party Central USA
The irreplaceable Jerry Miller of the Royal We
The stylish rogue that is Patrick D'Allochio from Johnny Lunchpail
Filmed & edited by the powerhouse that is Ms. Anya Garrett, proprietress of

Cheap booze & dance party to follow! And maybe. just maybe, even a kissing booth.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Honeyspot, Thursday May 18th.

JiWon berates John's lady skills; John strikes up a cheesy pose with his new 'stache; a Drunk Ape; Sara holds faintly lemon scented balls.

Thursday night was full of fun and frolic. Sara and I drug our tired asses to see John & JiWon's monthly show, which is always a good time. I ended up getting liquored up and having a blast, staying out way too late for my 7 am call time. It was a hoot. All of the comics were top notch. At one point in the evening I felt like I heard the OJays' "Used Ta Be My Girl" playing faintly, but it was just my imagination. Too bad. It's a great tune.

"You really shit the bed on that one." - Jerry Miller

After three fun-filled days, we wrapped shooting on the indie pilot we've been working on. I say we meaning myself and Allocco because we are clearly married. It was such a fun time- it felt like being in gaylord drama department all over again. One of the premises of the show is that we're members of a short form improv group which amused me to no end as I loathe improv and most especially I harbor a seething hatred for "Comedysportz" shite. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't fun to play cheesy games onstage with the other actors in lame-ass matching suits and such. The photos we took are a riot, espcially the ones of us doing stupid group poses. We're all pretending at being earnest but if you look, you can see that smirk on people's faces that reads "Improv is for suckers". OK-Mostly me.

I was amazed at the amount of work it took just to shoot a very simple, straightforward script. The crew for the shoot were all such pros and so patient- I could never put up with all the hollering, screeching and buffonery that they did from the cast. They didn't flinch. It was really educational, and I was inspired by the process to get off my keister and make something like this happen myself. Then I smoked another Parliament, took one bite of a Snickers bar and passed out with a Marie Claire magazine across my face on a bench backstage until my scene was called.

The best part of this hands down was the chance to work with the other cast members. While I knew the fantastic Law Tarello already from the MORTIFIED! show debut here in NYC, I hadn't met Jerry Miller or Brian McMullen before. Both were a delight and thankfully so because the rehearsal to shoot process was a short one due to all of our schedules. We were able to bond and by the time we were fliming it was as if everyone had known one another for ages. When we were done shooting Saturday night, I was getting sad about the end of the project. But thankfully, to keep it from getting all sappy, we were all driven home in a manner most dangerous by the crazed Law, who blared "99 Problems" as we barreled from Washington Heights thru Harlem down to the Village. I forgot Law had just crashed a homemade motorcycle into a fence and then, a pond until I got into a motor vehicle with him and by then it was too late. I screamed out loud that I didn't want to die with the last song I ever heard being "I Wanna Sex You Up" (to which we had a sing along but still). Brian kept yelling from the back seat, "Faster! More weaving!" Jerry was doing some sort of elaborate, obscene mime sequence in Sara's general direction. Then we all rapped along to "I Wish" by Skeelo, and by the time Law pulled up in front of Sara's apartment I could have sworn I was back in high school. The piece de resistance? Law put on "Joy & Pain" at top volume and we all got out of the car and danced around in front of Sara's Stuy Town apartment building to the disgust of all onlookers. Give it to 'em, Rob Base. It was a perfect ending.

I love you, turds.