xanadutattoo (2:36:31 PM): Sire please!!!
xanadutattoo (2:36:35 PM): I called you!
porterhm3 (2:36:41 PM): Ma'dam!
porterhm3 (2:36:46 PM): I was napping
porterhm3 (2:36:50 PM): I want to nap more
xanadutattoo (2:37:16 PM): Ewww
xanadutattoo (2:37:17 PM): OK then
porterhm3 (2:37:24 PM): I want to nap with you, Brandy
xanadutattoo (2:37:29 PM): NO WAY
xanadutattoo (2:37:31 PM): GROSS
porterhm3 (2:37:43 PM): I long for your sweet embrace
xanadutattoo (2:37:57 PM): Can it
xanadutattoo (2:38:08 PM): Look at this picture
porterhm3 (2:38:11 PM): tough talk
porterhm3 (2:39:14 PM): that's scary
porterhm3 (2:39:23 PM): you look like you are pulling your face off
xanadutattoo (2:39:27 PM): That's my reaction to your proposition
porterhm3 (2:39:51 PM): come on, we don't have to do anything, we can just talk
porterhm3 (2:40:06 PM): as the WHORE who propositioned me this weekend said
xanadutattoo (2:40:33 PM): ICK
xanadutattoo (2:40:43 PM): Hey that's one of my lines!
porterhm3 (2:41:13 PM): what, the "we can just talk" part?
xanadutattoo (2:41:42 PM): Just kidding
xanadutattoo (2:41:50 PM): I don't have lines
porterhm3 (2:41:55 PM): kidding... like a FOX!
xanadutattoo (2:41:55 PM): I am not that savvy
xanadutattoo (2:42:00 PM): I am a mess
xanadutattoo (2:42:15 PM): Lots of crying and misery this past week
porterhm3 (2:42:21 PM): oh no
xanadutattoo (2:42:24 PM): plus the incredible sickness
xanadutattoo (2:42:28 PM): not too good
porterhm3 (2:43:59 PM): well, I am sorry
xanadutattoo (2:44:17 PM): it's my fault, I know that. I deserve this
xanadutattoo (2:44:22 PM): thanks porter
porterhm3 (2:44:29 PM): goodness, I wonder what happened
porterhm3 (2:44:35 PM): I shall have to be filled in at some point
xanadutattoo (2:56:18 PM): sorry- my mom just called and I was crying on the phone
porterhm3 (3:10:17 PM): oh, Brandy Brandy Brandy
xanadutattoo (3:11:13 PM): Yeah well again I made these choices
xanadutattoo (3:11:18 PM): I am an idiot
porterhm3 (3:11:39 PM): no. well, no more than anyone else, i mean
xanadutattoo (3:13:08 PM): No, I think I am
xanadutattoo (3:13:15 PM): I do this to myself
xanadutattoo (3:13:38 PM): Anne says I am not allowed to think that way because, am I an idiot for talking a risk?
xanadutattoo (3:13:41 PM): Which is kind
xanadutattoo (3:13:54 PM): but I am ALWAYS the one taking the risk
xanadutattoo (3:14:00 PM): I am lame.
xanadutattoo (3:14:04 PM): Weee-ak!
xanadutattoo (3:14:09 PM): (in Porter voice)
porterhm3 (3:14:13 PM): ha
porterhm3 (3:14:30 PM): no, I don't think so. you are just emotional and get caught up in things.
porterhm3 (3:14:42 PM): which is better than being a robutt
porterhm3 (3:14:51 PM): but along with it comes sadness
porterhm3 (3:17:28 PM): I think we are just better off alone, that's what I've come to think
xanadutattoo (3:18:28 PM): I think I, myself, am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life
xanadutattoo (3:18:42 PM): Now if I can just re-program myself to LIKE that idea all will be well.
porterhm3 (3:19:24 PM): yeah
porterhm3 (3:19:44 PM): well, we'll have friends, just no spouses
porterhm3 (3:20:06 PM): and it won't matter, because in 2035 when the robots take over, they'll kill us all
xanadutattoo (3:20:28 PM): I should just stop fighting it because- well clearly yes because of the robutt war which is impeding
xanadutattoo (3:20:31 PM): oops impending
porterhm3 (3:20:50 PM): and impeding!
xanadutattoo (3:20:55 PM): ta da!
porterhm3 (3:23:43 PM): I think we're also kind of hoping that we'll have someone with us as we try to figure out our own lives, but I think we have to do that some more before anyone will stick around with us
porterhm3 (3:23:52 PM): which is too bad, but I guess that's the way it is
porterhm3 (3:25:31 PM): Regardless of who it is, I'm saying, we long for someone to be there and love us while we're being lost in our lives, and while we find our way, we don't want to do that alone.
porterhm3 (3:25:39 PM): But I guess you just have to.
xanadutattoo (3:25:59 PM): Ah ha.
xanadutattoo (3:26:17 PM): Yeah I do want that "Us against the world" person, that makes sense.
porterhm3 (3:26:33 PM): Maybe later, when we're 40, we'll have our own selves figured out enough to actually be attractive to someone.
porterhm3 (3:26:47 PM): 40, 50, 60.
porterhm3 (3:27:00 PM): We will meet people on those senior cruises
xanadutattoo (3:27:03 PM): Maybe.
xanadutattoo (3:27:57 PM): It would just be nice to be worth fighting for for once, you know?
xanadutattoo (3:28:04 PM): It would be nice to be that girl.
porterhm3 (3:28:13 PM): yeah
porterhm3 (3:28:31 PM): I wish the same thing
xanadutattoo (3:28:51 PM): The one that people can’t wait to give an engagement ring to, that they laugh at her eccentricities which you're encouraged to have in every stupid movie and book but in the real world, punished for relentlessly.
porterhm3 (3:29:14 PM): yes, these are the great lies
porterhm3 (3:29:32 PM): "sense of humor is the most attractive trait"
xanadutattoo (3:29:42 PM): ha ha MY ASS
xanadutattoo (3:30:20 PM): people who say that are liars
porterhm3 (3:30:43 PM): try having every girl you ever know tell you that you're the funniest person they know, and then going off to fuck Johnny Haircut
xanadutattoo (3:30:51 PM): Yep.
xanadutattoo (3:30:54 PM): I feel it.
porterhm3 (3:31:00 PM): I FEEL THE WEINER!!
xanadutattoo (3:31:03 PM): (that was just for you I know you love that line)
xanadutattoo (3:31:35 PM): Try hearing, "You're the coolest girl ever, you're like one of my guy friends/you're my best friend"
xanadutattoo (3:31:50 PM): but somehow NOT the best friend they want to be with/marry.
xanadutattoo (3:31:54 PM): Hmm. Confusing.
xanadutattoo (3:32:27 PM): Sometimes it is hard to love yourself when no one else seems to be convinced.
xanadutattoo (3:32:38 PM): Even Nigel seems to scoff these days.
porterhm3 (3:32:47 PM): well, no, you have to remain self-centered throughout it all
porterhm3 (3:33:03 PM): you are awesome, whatever anyone says
porterhm3 (3:33:07 PM): or does rather
xanadutattoo (3:33:20 PM): Does that mean get drunk all by myself and listen to "I'm Conceited" by Remy Ma and dance in my new prom dress I got in Boston?
xanadutattoo (3:33:27 PM): Because I can do that.
xanadutattoo (3:33:37 PM): That, I can do.
porterhm3 (3:33:45 PM): think of yourself as a famous artist, who will be appreciated after it's too late. see, you're still famous, just not when you wanted to be famous.
xanadutattoo (3:33:54 PM): But I want it now.
porterhm3 (3:33:59 PM): yes, the singing and dancing is good, too
porterhm3 (3:34:38 PM): Well, I dunno, Brandy, I only fall in love with girls who are moving out of the country, so I'm not much for sage advice.
xanadutattoo (3:35:08 PM): I only fall in love with alcoholics...we're even-sies.
xanadutattoo (3:35:37 PM): I am going to get a bagel now.
xanadutattoo (3:35:52 PM): Will you nap?
porterhm3 (3:36:28 PM): yeah, and do work
xanadutattoo (3:36:36 PM): OK then I will not be coming over
xanadutattoo (3:36:47 PM): plus I am a gross mess and have been crying and have a black eye
xanadutattoo (3:36:49 PM): don't ask
porterhm3 (3:37:18 PM): ok
xanadutattoo (3:40:52 PM): you may choose...your own adventure!!!
xanadutattoo (3:44:33 PM): OK sire, I am off for sustenance
porterhm3 (3:44:44 PM): ok
xanadutattoo (3:44:44 PM): I love you, thanks for comiserating with me.
porterhm3 (3:44:56 PM): no problem, always happy to Eeyore out with someone
xanadutattoo (3:45:45 PM): Oh no, Eeyore!
porterhm3 (3:45:48 PM): c'est la vie
xanadutattoo (3:45:53 PM): I am going to pin your tail on you!
porterhm3 (3:46:04 PM): ew, Brandy, it's no time to get kinky
xanadutattoo (3:46:10 PM): Beat it!
porterhm3 (3:46:19 PM): TELL NIGEL TO STOP FARTING!!!
xanadutattoo (3:46:28 PM): I may reprint some of this IM in a blog. Full disclosure.
xanadutattoo (3:46:33 PM): I WILL!!!
xanadutattoo (3:46:40 PM): BUT HE WON'T!!!
porterhm3 (3:46:42 PM): I guess that's fine
xanadutattoo (3:46:50 PM): Eeyore seems to approve.
xanadutattoo (3:47:23 PM): Ok I am really leaving now (see this is what it's like, I'm simulating for you what it's like to pretend to want to “date” me while you're fucking someone else behind my back and then I dump you but because you say it's not that you don't care for me it's that you have trouble with committment I see a cause to rescue so I keep sleeping with you and make a fool of myself and then I say I won't anymore but I do because I'm drunk and then one day I say no I really mean it and then...)
xanadutattoo (3:48:09 PM): I log off! And cry about it a lot! To everyone! Then I find out about the other person who it turns out, you are in fact committed to. Because you lied about that instead of just saying you didn't want to date me when I asked you point blank & you kept me around for kicks. And once again, I am a big fat joke and some other girl gets to win! And I bet she's short, too! A ha! I showed you!!!! (sob)
xanadutattoo (3:50:29 PM): Bye, I love you.
porterhm3 (3:50:41 PM): bye, love you too
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6 comments:
The "Ok I'm leaving now" line describes my entire love life from 1988-2001.
I think falling for jerks is just something you organically outgrow, like your A-cup bra. You can't force it, it just happens.
Hang in there, BB. There's hope!
PS: I heart Porter
Wasn't that the first few minutes of 'The Matrix'?
But, seriously, you two should save all of your IM's and publish them in a book. You're like the Internet's Franny and Zooey.
I do love Johnny Haircut though, tragically.
And you, less tragically.
Our names are also odd names, not unlike Franny & Zooey.
Think of it: Brandy & Porter, by J. D. Salinger.
Brandy -- what goes on... we need a french night, meaning us at a really small table 4 pints of H-garden, a creepy french dude kissing and hugging me in the middle of our conversations and a bad euro trash dj in the background. WHAT IS UP BRANDY? I want to hang with you! I think I will be seeing you Saturday possibly? HOPE SO! Dont be sad either... I mean well feel what you need to but you are a fucking awesome person and I LOVE your sense of humor and anyone that doesn't get that shit can fuck off, I hate those that play along oh you make me laugh, i have the best time with you but really I am going to settle down with some lame ass, pearl wearing, ann taylor suit for the long haul -- oh wait, that is just what happens to me EVERy time. Mr. Right fuckin on is out there! I loves this post but also hate to hear you been sad... well F whoever did this, I will poke them in the neck with their earring..! I LOVE THAT PORTER MASON!
PLEASE COME BREAK MY MASK...
IT ISN'T REALLY CURSED.
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