The Gospel of AWK

Please click on the link to have your ass blown the f#@k out by one of the hottest white jeans-ed mofos in the world, Andrew W.K.

The first time I ever spied Andrew W.K., it was a full page picture of him an issue of "Vice" that was left in the old UCB box office. It was the album promo ad of him with all of his hair in his face and all the blood streaming out of his nose. I was immediately horrified & incredibly aroused and went out and bought his CD that night. PEOPLE, SEX SELLS. He looked EXACTLY like my best friend growing up's older brother Steve, down to the white jeans & sneakers (except that Andrew W.K., unlike Steve- did not play keep away with my days of the week underwear*).

Anyway, as it is my life mission to make a fool out of myself and I must strive to do so with every fiber of my pathetic soul, I later cut a picture of Andrew W.K. from an Onion AV interview out, taped it to the side of the refrigerator in the UCB box office and then wrote on it in block letters with a red sharpie, "I'm Brandy's Boyfriend". Or maybe it was like, "I love Brandy so much I want to punch myself" or some such nonsense.

I wonder now if he saw it? I am sure he made it to the old UCB space before the evil insane landlady sold them out and turned it into a new age hellhole. If he did, I hope he was amused instead of terrified, the latter being the typical male reaction of all the hot guys I always humiliate myself in front of.

*as detailed in my very own 'Pathetic Geek Story' in the original print edition of The Onion way back in 1996