This sunshine-y attitude was in full effect at the party. An hour beforehand I gave myself a guided mediatation that I would not freak out and start being mean and bitter. I sat with my hands folded quietly and thought about all the people in my life who I love so much and even did that thing where you send love to your worst enemies. I focused on how lucky I am to have such amazing funny friends and to live in New York and to have such a wonderful family. I then had a glass of wine as a treat for being so darn wholesome. I did, however, not eat. Too busy attempting to dress myself in as unflattering a manner as possible. Mission accomplished, folks! Someone played dress up in Mommy's closet!
6:45 pm: I am shown here dueting with the beloved Rob Webber to "Seperate Lives". I am about to flip the bird AT NO ONE. That's right, AT AIR. I have had a whole mai tai in a pint glass. And maybe a lollipop for dinner. Great plan. Watch out. Anger level is at a gentle simmer.
8:ish pm: Sara and I kicked our party off with one of our signature songs, "This Time I Know It's For Real". I am drunker than everyone there clearly, which becomes evident when I start yammering about how "I Like The Gays!!!" WHAT. The yelling will only get worse. Then we got up and ripped through "Hole The Line" with harmony no less. That's how WE do. At one point, Sara & I sing "Take A Bow" and I grab her, throw her in a booth and lay on top of her while screaming in a microphone "I just love you so much why can't I be with you?!?" Someone actually lets me drink more in spite of this gross display. Great plan.
9:65.3-ish pm: Horrified onlookers. This is a trend I court openly with my obnoxious behavior. There were moments of complete stunned silence as I pranced about like a damned drunk baboon, yelling into the microphone, groping guests who I had only just met, throwing candy in the air, did I mention the screaming, sucked down MORE alcohol, flipped the b, and most adorably, I trotted out my old stand-by of snatching a rose that someone bought to be nice (Matt Sears?! Sorry) and bit it then spat out the petals. Just, really. Ick.
Beyond 11 pm: Here comes trouble! And she's drunk on a combo of self-loathing and mixed light rums. I am at my grossest of gross drunks here. Well, minus Key West that is. Soon after this I would go into the bathroom to re-meditate (read: cry). Sara became concerned. She pounded on the door and I answered it with a creepy grin on my face (Problem Child) with my pants unbuttoned and said "Hi, sire" oh, so casually. Then I'd get the spins and be put in a cab where I'd vomit on Giulia's fiancee'. So I got that going for me. What a gal.
Seriously, thanks to all who came, the night was a blur to me after 7 but I seem to recall it being a fun blur. I am sorry I got so drunk and I hope my antics were funny not super scary. I love you all. Even if I did keep yelling in the microphone that I hated everyone.
Also, not kidding here, quitting the booze for a while. Does anyone want a half-full box of wine in the red kind?
9 comments:
i reiterate i had my best first date with you ever. you can drop off the box wine at my place.
Upon reading this I incresingly became more like an audience at "Showtime at the Apollo". No really I just threw myself off the couch and lay on the ground hysterically laughing to the delight of no one. Then I choked on my tongue and gave it a rest. FUCKING HILARIOUS YOU ARE MADAM.
that's increasingly and audience member. I was high people. Sorry.
I was at my desk and even though my boss was creeping up I could not tear myself away... Like I did not know the ending? I was there...
This is one of my fave posts and one of the funniest nights. You also ate the rose that Big Dan got me.. boo hooo!!
I still like when you tried to drink the golf pencils the best.. that was hysterical -- you could have lost an eye though.
you looked pretty cute in these pics.
just sayin
i didn't bring any roses or anything like that. you did bite off my thumb though. not cool.
You are one of the only people who can get away with puking on my man. Yes, puking on him and grabbing his weiner. We both love you and your pocket full of mai tais.
Tim: Are you throwing up?
Brandy: (has hand plastered over mouth, shakes head no)
Tim: You sure?
Brandy: (nods yes that she's going to throw up)
Tim: You're not going to throw up?
Brandy: (vomits up lollipop)
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