Intervention.

Inquring minds want to know (a.k.a. my Mom):

Sometimes, I am not drunk. I actually don't drink that much, it's just that when I do, I tend to go a bit beserk. I turn into Kim Basinger in Blind Date. And, as observed by Sara, Problem Child. Someone said to me the other day that you're only young once. While this is, in my case, an excuse for acting naughty sometimes, I liked hearing it.

I was the classic late bloomer. I drank once in high school when I was 15, got low-grade alcohol poisoning, and never touched a drop again until I was 19. I didn't do drugs, in fact, I would rag on my stoner friends who did. I was a wet blanket in that regard. I did get in trouble all the time, but it was for being a smart ass with an anti-authority chip on my shoulder. I was on Academic League, and also in Saturday School regularly. I once asked for a bathroom pass from a sexist History teacher I hated, then hopped over the fence to the teacher's parking lot and out a bumper sticker on his car that said. "Sexy & Single and Loves To Mingle". Then I came back and smiled at him sweetly. I graduated when I was 17. I dropped out of college for a year. I wanted to be a dancer. I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to marry my first love and be a perfect wife. I wanted to stop being a compulsive liar. I wanted to be feminist activist icon. I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to be a playwright. I wanted to be a theater producer. I wanted to be philanthropic fundraiser. I wanted to be the party girl I never was when the rest of my friends were. I wanted to move to England and marry a Brit. I wanted to move to Italy and retrace the same path as Lord Byron did before he died, a sort of homage to Sherman's March. I wanted to be Sylvia Plath and Charles Bukowski. I wanted to be someone's Annie Hall.

I kind of like being a trainwreck. I like not apologizing for it anymore.